Our wedding story revisited!

On the eve of our first marriage anniversary, I thought of the perfect way to relive our wedding day. By putting it in writing, I get to experience the entire wedding story once more and now that its in perspective... I don't even have to worry about all the things that could go wrong! Also, I never got a chance to upload any wedding photos so that is another thing I get to do now. So here is how the big day played out right from when we broke the news!

Breaking the big news: The very first obstacle to overcome was telling our parents that we wanted to get married. A love marriage and on top of it between a Garhwali and a Bengali wasn't going to be a piece of cake! While for my parents, it was more of a progression from dating to marriage... for Ashish's parents it was a great big shock as they were completely oblivious to my status as a girl friend. After being too scared to broach the subject for months, he finally decided to do it from California via the completely reliable medium of Skype. Reliable because you can disconnect the call whenever the conversation got too uncomfortable! For anyone faced with the same task, a glass or two of Johnny Walker's finest will also help. Anyway, having told them about his great achievement and having received sufficient accolades for it, we all finally agreed to have a meeting between our parents in Delhi. Point to be noted, Ashish was still safely basking in the California sun while the unenviable task of moderating this meeting fell on me.

One from our dating days in Hyderabad

Meet the parents: Finally the day arrived in the scorching month of April when armed with my father, uncle and aunt, my sister and brother-in-law I met my would be in-laws for the very first time. Lets just say I got an idea about diplomatic meetings between heads of countries.... all smiles on the surface while both parties try to put their points forth. Though there were times when the meeting almost went out of hand (which is quite common in any wedding related meeting in India), the best thing that came out of this day was our wedding date! We were getting married in approximately seven months and that was all that mattered.
P.S. Because it turns out I am really bad at moderating sticky conversations, I concentrated on the delicious paneer tikka. Yummy...

North meets East

Time flies: Even though our wedding was seven months away, it turns out that in wedding planning standard time (WPST), I was already running late! There were makeup artists to be looked at, a lehenga to be stitched, photographer to be chosen and the most important... kilos to be shed. Of course it did not help that over the span of the next seven months I traveled to around six cities (including overseas). Somehow, with a lot of help from my family, things started falling into place. I booked a makeup artist, my lehenga design was selected and was being made and my parents found a photographer who would travel to Delhi. The really crazy part was making wedding arrangements in Delhi while being in Kolkata but thankfully my uncle and aunt took it upon themselves to see this through!
The weight-loss wasn't going too well though, what with hectic work schedules and bachelorette parties. Ashish was breezing through it all, his only task was to select a sherwani a week before the wedding.

My lehenga being made...

Ghar wapsi (Homecoming): Finally, it was November and the wedding was only two weeks away. But most importantly, Ashish was coming to India and we would meet after almost a year! He had two days in Hyderabad before we went off to our respective cities and I came up with the crazy idea of a pre-wedding photoshoot. Fortunately I had a willing friend and talented photographer Saranya and together we dragged a jet-lagged Ashish to gardens and pool-sides hoping to capture some gorgeous photos. I still think Ashish was too zoned out to complain and we ended up with many memorable pictures.

One from our photo-shoot

The pre-wedding frivolities: Before the actual wedding, we Indians have a variety of rituals for every region. For us Bengalis, one of the most important ones is Aiburobhat... it is a rice-ceremony where the unmarried bride or groom is served a feast of mouth-smacking food. It is literally the last meal before marriage and it is impossible to finish!

Aiburobhat... note the awesome food

Then it was time to fly to Delhi with my family including a super-energetic trio of mom and two aunts. In Delhi, there was the much awaited Mehendi and another round of Aiburobhat (its cruel to have this much of delicious food served to you when you have to fit into a lehenga the day after). In the meantime, Ashish had finally completed his only task of choosing a sherwani after much hunting around.
And suddenly it was the night before our wedding. My friends would all be flying in the next morning and frankly, I couldn't wait! Which would be great except that a pimple was threatening to disrupt the festivities.

Mehendi hands

Rise and shine: The morning of our wedding arrived bright and clear (unlike me who had messy mehendi hands). In the meantime, one ritual had been done at around 4 A.M. which I had sleepwalked through. The next ceremony to complete was the Haldi ritual and by then some of my friends had arrived from Kolkata and it was a full house! After a round of turmeric-splashing on the terrace, it was almost lunchtime (except that I was too nervous to have lunch) and I had to start getting ready for the evening. Amidst all the chaos, I decided that the wedding hall decoration was not going well so there was a few minutes of panic and shouting before my younger sister took over the shouting part.

Haldi smeared...

Hair and makeup: One of the huge parts of getting married is the getting ready part. Everyone wants to look their best and I was no exception. I had booked a well-known artist Bobby Chopra after reading good reviews and I was all prepared to be pampered. Except that she never showed up. After being booked in July with an advance. Minutes turned into hours and all calmness descended into mad frenzy while we finally realized that any bride's worst nightmare was coming true. Our hotel room was a mess, my Didi was furious on the phone and I was ready to start crying (I even tried calling Ashish to ask him to start a bit late) until we managed to locate a beauty parlor who agreed to come and dress me up. Thankfully, they were able to get me ready before the groom arrived at the wedding hall (though it was the very last second). To this day I remember the rush to the wedding hall in excruciating detail.

Finally dressed and ready...

All is well: Finally I was at the hall and it was only a wait of few seconds before I heard the marriage party arrive amidst all the music and dancing and I was asked to go down and join Ashish on the stage. My friends were accompanying me and there were butterflies in my stomach but everything stilled when I saw Ashish on the stage. My friends tell me I literally ran to the stage but it was a moment I had only read about. All the music and noise calmed down, all the faces became a sea of glitter and flashes of camera phones and we couldn't stop smiling. In fact, we couldn't stop smiling till the wee hours of the morning!

All smiles...

Party all night: Okay, so it wasn't really a party that went on all night but it was our long wedding rituals. After posing for endless photographs and a failed attempt at having dinner, we sat down to our actual rituals which would go on all night. My friends and sisters took refuge with bottles of Sprite (okay so it was not just Sprite) while we patiently sat through the rituals. Though there are photos of me yawning, it was completely involuntary. At 6 A.M. in the morning, we were declared married (by the remarkably upbeat Panditji) and allowed to go home. The weary onlookers dragged themselves back to the hotel to catch a few hours of sleep while Ashish and I headed home for another hour or two of rituals. Phew... it would be a long day!

The main part of the wedding rituals

So that was all folks! This was all a year ago and if I haven't thanked all the people who helped/ participated in/ attended/ photographed our wedding... well this is finally when you get the thanks. Keeping all these happy memories in our heart (and in the blog), its time to move on with our lives... Thanks for reading!

Photo courtesy: Saranya Ravichander, Shreya Jain, Madhuparna Srivastava, Devarupa Sengupta Gupta and some random photographs

Experiments with the "wrong" people...

The best part of life is that it constantly changes. Which means that no matter how bad it may seem today, it will change tomorrow. Which also means that we don't know whether it will change for the better or for worse. One of the things that makes life good or bad are the people we are surrounded with. Now we might argue that our happiness does not depend on other people but being a social animal, we cannot disregard the importance of society in our lives. Sometimes we will be surrounded by people who are good to us. Of course good does not mean that they need to praise us or give us gifts or even do anything for us. Good simply means that they bring positive energy to our lives. Sometimes, and sadly this has become more common, we will be surrounded by people who only bring negativity into our lives. In every phase of life, we will encounter these people. What changes is how we deal with them. Here are some rules I have made up from experience... not because I have been particularly successful in applying them but because it feels nice to think that you are in control ;)

• The wolves in sheep's clothing: They are at the top of the list because they are the most difficult to spot and therefore the most dangerous. They will be nice to you when they need and you will end up trusting them. But the minute your back is turned, they will be the Brutus in your life and because you are not Julius Caesar, you will not even realize that you have been stabbed. So you will go about your life not realizing that the person who is the sweetest to you is actually the one doing the most harm. The only way to deal with these people is to figure them out before they know all your secrets. And if you are naive like me, you have probably told them already and now you are screwed.
• The politicians: If loyalty is a quality important to you, then these are the people you should stay away from. Their ability to switch camps will put politicians to shame. When you think you can depend on them to support you in your time of need, you will suddenly see them sharing a Watsapp group with your enemies (I couldn't find a less dramatic word for enemies... just means people you are not very fond of). So how do you deal with them? Well, loyalty is not a quality everyone deserves so the only thing you can do is to not expect it from them and reserve it for people who will reciprocate.
• The Unpleasable (yes I made up a word): I used to be the kind of idealistic person who believed that people are mostly good inside and if we don't like them, it probably means we are not looking properly. However, experiences with different kinds of people made me realize that there are some people who will not be good to you no matter what you do for them. There are some people who will always be jealous and unappreciative of you even if you think the best about them. Once you accept this, there is a simple way of dealing with them. Simply stop trying to please and go on with living your life. This was a hard lesson for me to learn because I usually just try to please people making myself miserable in the process.
• The villains: Just like Gabbar and Thakur knew they were each others' enemies (sorry for the Bollywood reference), there will be people in your life that you just don't like and who don't like you. The reasons might be varied and trying to resolve differences might not have worked but there is no point in dwelling over these people. They are always going to bring negativity into your lives and make you spend pointless hours blaming yourself. On the bright side, there is no need to pretend that you like them and that saves you the effort of trying to be nice to them. The simple way to deal with them is to remove them as far as possible from your life. No I don't mean kill them (even if you want to). Just accept that they are somewhere out there in the world and if they try to mess up your life, then its revenge time!
• The lost ones: They are the ones who used to be positive factors in our lives but for some reason no longer hold that space. These include friends we are no longer friends with, ex boyfriends and girlfriends, people we had unresolved fights with... the list goes on. Thinking about things which did not work out always brings negativity and feelings of hatred. Dealing with these kind of people are tricky because there are two ways to go. If something can be resolved, make the effort of resolving it. It is always better to save a relationship which can be saved. Second way is to let go of the relationships and people which cannot be mended. Hating is not letting go, when you let go, you accept that things did not work out and be at peace with it. Choose which way to go wisely!

I won't list any more because this piece is making me depressed as I realize that I have met at least one person belonging to each category. So yes, there are or have been some negative people in my life but there are also many many people who bring positive energy whenever I talk to them. And they are the people I try to keep close. Ending this piece on a happy note and to the folks reading this... You have been warned!

Of heartbreaks and healing...

No relationship ever comes with a warranty of happily ever after. Everyday around the world, innumerable relationships end in heartbreak for at least one of the individuals. This blog is about how to deal with those times when the world seems to be crumbling around you and everything seems pointless. The answer, even though many would disagree with me, is not always at the bottom of the vodka bottle.

• Wake up, dress up and show up: I know it sounds tough but the most important thing is to go on with life. Everyday duties of life might seem very vague and pointless when you are going through a heart break, but believe me it is going to be a lot tougher when the haze lifts and you realize that you have missed important classes in college or that you have forgotten to pay necessary bills. It is easier said than done but if there is one thing that romantic comedies have taught us, it is that great things will happen once we pull ourselves off the couch and face mundane everyday life. And also that binge-eating will get you Colin Firth and Hugh Grant only in a movie!
• Stay way from the chocolates: Unless you are a person who never puts on weight no matter what they eat (yes that sounds like the ultimate dream), stay away from all the chocolates and ice-cream tubs. The candy aisle at the supermarket might seem to be the most enticing thing ever, but instead run in the opposite direction! While eating a bag of cookies and crying along with The Notebook  might seem appealing, no one ever felt better about a heart break after putting on weight. I have been through these routines and this is just a spiral down to the depths of misery.
• "Chaar bottle Vodka"?: If only alcohol could solve life's biggest problems, Devdas would be the next genius. Instead he is a sad, lonely (and dead) man. A few drinks might momentarily ease the pain and believe me, I am all for it. Having a few drinks with your girl friends followed by hours of discussing how men are not worth all the tears does help to vent your feelings. However, the challenge is to know where to stop because you know there is a thin line between poor wronged girl and creepy stalker who can't stop drunk-dialing her ex.
• A New Me: I have heard arguments against this but personally I think it works! A new haircut, a day at the spa, some retail therapy... all these help in confidence building. You might be the same person inherently but when your self-esteem is at a low, these are small things that can make you feel a little more confident. As long as you are not doing anything drastic, there is no harm in pampering yourself a little. Also, creating a new me does not mean suddenly quitting your job or deciding that you should move. Some decisions are life changing and needs rational thought. Others like buying that dress which your ex boyfriend didn't approve of, well just go for it! 
• Eat, pray, love: Some of the best travel stories are from people who decided to take a trip alone after suffering heart breaks. So instead of whining over what went wrong, this is the best time to venture out on your own with no one to dictate you. Go on the hike you always wanted to. Take the Zumba class you had been thinking about joining but never did. See new places and meet new people. You never know when your worst time could turn into your best experience. 
• Keep you friends close: When a person is going through a heart break, one of the most important pillars of support are friends. For girls this means late night phone calls, wiping each others' tears and hours of counselling. Followed by the unanimous decision that "all men are dogs". Boys on the other hand will spend exactly a minute discussing the heart break part and then spend hours playing video games/ drinking/ watching action movies. No matter what it is, friends have the capacity to get you through your worst relationship failures so it is important to invest in friendships. Who else will remind you that "He/She was not good enough for you. You deserve so much better"? Which brings us to the last thing.
• Exes cannot be friends: Think logically, you have enough friends already. Do you really want to maintain a challenging and draining friendship with someone who has caused you heart break? Often a healing process is completely defeated because people take the wrong decision of trying to remain friends after a break up. Face it, you will never be happy to see your ex with someone else. Let some things go because if it was meant to work, you would not be needing to make this decision at all.

To sum it up, every heart break takes its own time to heal. What we can do is to speed up the process and gain a new experience from it.
As always, thanks to my friends for holding my hands through many heartbreaks and helping me emerge a better person every time.