'Holi' Spirit... Festival Tales!

Last weekend I went for a Holi festival in Massachusetts with my friends. Yes, I traveled to a different state just so I could play with colors and celebrate with people I just met! Why you ask? Because it had been five years since I last celebrated Holi. Because it is one of my favorite festivals and one which I look forward to every year (it would be second on my list after Durga Puja). Because I love the colors, the music, the feeling of letting go (and no, I'm not referring to the Bhaang high) - it just seems like such a happy celebration to me.

Before telling you about my trip, here is a little background about the festival of Holi also known as the Festival of Colors. Holi derives its name from Holika, the evil sister of the demon king Hiranyakashipu. The legend goes that Hiranyakashipu wanted to kill his own son Prahlada for refusing to worship him and instead choosing to worship Lord Vishnu. After failing in his attempts, Holika tricked Prahlada to sit with her on a pyre while she wore a cloak which made her immune to the fire. But as fate would have it, the cloak flew off and Holika was burned while Prahlada survived thus celebrating the victory of good over evil. The traditional Holi festival is a two-day festival with a bonfire signifying the burning of Holika on the first day and the playing with colors on the second. In the original festival, people applied the ashes of the pyre to their foreheads which was gradually replaced by colors (thankfully)!

Back to my awesome Holiday... it was an event organized by an Indian restaurant which included a covered area to play in, some colors, loud Bollywood music and a scrumptious Indian buffet. I took a train down from Stamford to Keya's house in Groton on Friday evening. I was a bit apprehensive because it was supposed to be a large group of people whom I was meeting for the first time (and mostly because I'm not good at making new friends). But as soon as I met Keya's room-mates, I knew it would be a great trip. They were extremely friendly and hospitable to me and I was soon feeling relaxed and buoyed up for the event next morning. We spent the rest of the evening cooking chicken and chatting... till it was time to rest for tomorrow would be a long day!

The next morning we woke early and started to get ready to start for Framingham. There are a few to-dos for celebrating Holi. Here they are in no particular order:

• You should wear your oldest and brightest clothes. When we were kids, we would wear dresses that were one wash away from being thrown out. Its only in movies that actors wear pristine white clothes and then mess them up beautifully... that's just for artistic effect.
• For ladies, it is advisable to tie up your hair to minimize damage. Again, don't be inspired by the heroine with her swinging tresses... She has a personal hairdresser, you don't.
• Its not cool to throw color at the eyes. For a person wearing contacts for years, its always a challenge to escape the over-enthusiastic revelers.
• "Bura na mano Holi hai" literally means that anything goes and you're not allowed to be a complaining sissy about it. Holi is not for the faint of heart.

Anyways, it was a two hour drive with beautiful sunny weather (being inside the car gave us respite from the chilly wind). We reached the event location and soon spotted many Indians gathered (most already covered with color) near a white tent with music blaring... real Bollywood music after ages. After waiting for the whole group to assemble, we were finally inside! Once inside, I soon forgot that I was with new friends and was soon dancing madly to the dance numbers being belted out. That's what Holi does to you! Almost instantly everyone was unrecognizable, all inhibitions were out of the window and the air was thick with colorful powder. It was raining colors and I was happy to be under it! I honestly don't know how long we danced but we suddenly found ourselves starving and wandering towards the laden buffet table. I guess all the dancing made us hungry and soon we were happily gorging on Indian dishes... chicken butter masala, chicken tikka, paneer... and not to mention gulab jamuns!

Holi selfie!

After a round of eating, it was back to having fun with colors and music. Slowly the party started winding down and finally it was time to go back. Thankfully we had thought of bringing plastic sheets to cover the car seat and covered with colors, we started our journey back. It had been an awesome fun-filled day and it was time for long baths and washing off colors... but nothing would wash away the memories of a raucous, happy day of celebrating a festival miles away from home. Till the next time... Happy Holi!!

A happy color-covered group

Icebreaker... Reflections on myself...

I joined the Toastmasters Club in my vicinity a couple of weeks back. I found it to be a really encouraging group of individuals who support you in your journey of being a better public speaker and making new friends in the process. Yesterday, I presented my first speech which is an introductory speech to help the members get to know you better. Here is what I presented (though I made up few lines on the way!)...

Good evening toastmasters and guests! How many of you here know my name? (Pause for answer) How many of you know what it means? Great… For those of you who don’t know… well today is your lucky day! Today I’ll be speaking about myself and I believe to know ourselves, we have to know our past and where we come from. To do this, I’ll tell you three small stories that have in some way, defined me as a person.

My first story begins a long long long (well not that long… I'm not that old)… it begins a long time ago in India. The day I was born, a lot of relatives and well-wishers came to see me and told my mom… “Oh how unfortunate… another girl! Don’t you wish it would have been a boy this time?”… I already had an elder sister so these people thought it was their "duty" to console my mother. In the midst of all this negativity… my grandfather said… “Are you kidding me? We are so happy that it’s a girl… She’s going to bring so much joy into our lives!”… And that folks is how I was named. “Sukh” in Sanskrit means “happiness”… that elusive thing we are always in pursuit of.

The reason I chose to tell this story is because it has stayed with me and taught me some things… First, a lot of times, at least in India, I would be told that I can’t do certain things because I am a girl. But its important to remember that none of it will be true. I can be anyone and do anything I want irrespective of my gender. The second thing I learnt was the value of name… that I had been named ‘Sukh’ for a purpose to bring happiness and that is what I try to do… It also motivates me to enjoy the little moments of happiness around me which we tend to forget during our busy lives. 

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The talk of happiness brings me to my next story… of family and relationships. I come from a very close-knit family with three sisters (oh yes, girls rule) and my parents … all of them made me the person I am today. In a country which can be really conservative, we were lucky that our parents taught us that being liberal does not mean disrespecting others’ choices but rather, respecting them. Where a lot of people in India “disapprove” of love marriages and a lot of them don’t even allow it, they accepted it with all their hearts (of course that is a story for another time). Last year when I got married, my father told my father-in-law… “You’re lucky, you are getting my favorite daughter as a part of your family.” Yeah I know… parents are probably supposed to say that about their children.

But I carried it in my heart as I stepped into a new, unknown life. That is because I am not perfect by any means. I’m an introvert who finds it difficult to make new friends, who says the wrong things at the wrong place a lot of times, who doesn’t know how to drive a car, who is really scared of the dark (Wow this could take up a lot of time)! But whenever I remember my dad’s line… it makes me feel that there are people for whom I am perfect. In a world that brings me face to face with me my shortcomings every day, this one instance brings a smile on my face.

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Coming to my last story… How important is career for you? Most would say… very important because it’s the way we earn our living, it helps us accomplish our professional goals. For me, my career has always been important. I was always into Computer Science even as a kid and I got to work in the field I was interested in. Ever since I completed college, I had been working. Last year when I moved to the United States, I was a dependent on my husband’s visa so I couldn’t work but I was taking all the steps to ensure that I could start working again.

While my husband and my family supported my view, a lot of people’s reaction was… “Why would you want to work? Your husband is already earning, you could just look after the house”. Of course I didn’t listen to all that but that is what my last story is. Why is it that a woman’s career is dispensable? Why can’t she do both and not choose one over the other? That is the thought I want to end with today because it is an important part of my personality… my belief that everyone is equal and that is what we should strive towards.

Thank you! 

Women's Day special... what we really asked for....

This year, like all other years, Women's Day meant that social media was cluttered with platitudes about women almost all of which proclaimed that women were no less than "goddesses", "angels", "super humans"... Well you get the gist! Contrary to making me feel proud, it made me feel extremely uneasy. I mean, just think of the huge expectations that you have just dumped on an unsuspecting woman, something that she is now obliged to live up to whether she wants to or not! Did she ask to be hailed as an angel? Did she ask to be worshiped? Did she ask to be known as a superhero? But did you stop to ask what she wanted or needed? No, you assumed that she would be grateful to see so many messages and forwards telling her she was perfect.

If only you would have asked her what she wants. Maybe she would have said that she did not want to choose between her family and her career. Maybe she would have asked not to be called a "slut" because she chose to have sex before marriage. Or maybe she would have wanted not to be treated only as a baby-producing machine because she is much more than that. Maybe she would have told you not to assume that she was using her looks to get that promotion in office. Or that just because she chose to be a homemaker, did not mean that she was good for nothing else. Or that she wanted equal pay for equal work irrespective of her gender. Or maybe that her parents not be asked to pay huge dowries for her in the name of "tradition". Maybe she would have asked you to stop repeating cliches like "women can't drive", "only women gossip", "a woman's place is at home". Maybe asked you not to intersperse her name with expletives and abuses. Who knows, she might have asked you for the gifts of respect, equality and safety instead of those chocolates, expensive jewelry and spa treatments you offered. Yes, safety and respect... maybe she would have asked for a day where she can wear what she likes and do what she likes without you judging her, mocking her, touching her, assaulting her...

Well now that you are done with the blatant show of love and respect for this Women's Day, maybe think about what you could actually do for the women in your life. Make the effort to demonstrate respect, love and equality. And if you can't do anything, just let her be. She doesn't need you to treat her like a God... she needs you to treat her as an equal because whether you like it or not, that's what she is!

Perfectly summed up my feelings!