Happily Unmarried?

Who doesn't like being single... Being free to  make your own decisions, being independent and following your heart. But in India, being single is a whole new experience... sometimes good and sometimes simply exhausting.
Here are a few things a single person in India gets to experience:

• Stay away from the opposite gender: What is the most seen image of coed schools and colleges? Girls and boys sitting on separate rows in the classroom. Forget dating, girls and boys are not even encouraged to speak to each other. Though times are changing fast, ask any conservative Indian parent and they will still list the cons of letting opposite sexes get too friendly. I went to a girls only school and I still remember inter-school events where the possibility of interacting with with the opposite sex would be high and we would be expressly discouraged from talking to boys beyond the bare necessity. Oh the excitement of flouting those rules! Cut to college where a girl in my batch sat with two of her guy friends during a class and the professor made a polite but firm request to her to go back to sitting in the all-girls rows. 
• Don't dare rent an apartment in a society: The worst experience a single person in India can go through is when trying to rent an apartment especially if its in a so called "respectable" society. There are societies which actually have it as a rule that you cannot allow people of the opposite sex visiting your apartment. We had to sign a rental agreement which had this rule written and underlined in bold! Apart from the issue with the other gender, in general groups of unmarried girls or boys are frowned upon when they try to get an apartment. Many owners make it clear outright that they would only rent to families. Never mind if you don't even have a friend of the opposite sex... if you are single you are not to be trusted. Having being at the receiving end of many rejections and many scoldings also, I can vouch that this is one time when you would wish that you were married just so you can get a decent flat to live in.
• Marriage days are running out: I cannot stress on this point enough. Once your family sees that you are well-settled in your job (for boys) or reaching the age they have set as the limit for your singe life (for girls), the great tug-of-war beings. Imagine that you are struggling with one end of the rope and at the other end is your immediate family, your relatives, your neighbors and even random self-declared well-wishers (including a person who you met on the bus and who happened to inquire about your marital status). From those days when you were forbidden from interacting with the opposite sex, you are suddenly encouraged by the whole world to mate for life with one of them. There is no point of arguing too as you will soon learn that the reasons for you getting married are too many and too convoluted to defeat with logic.
• Dating at your own risk: One of the upsides of not being married is enjoying dating. Well good luck with that! From being lectured by the moral police on the sins of dating to being arrested by the actual police if you dare to be out on a date, there is no saying what you might end up with. In a country where even rapists are supposedly teaching you a lesson because you went on a movie "date" with a boy, it is indeed playing with fire and something you should do completely at your own risk. 18 is the legal age you say? Only if you committed a crime and need to be pardoned for it. As long as you are not married, you cannot and will not be allowed to venture alone with a person of the opposite sex.

Rethinking your marital status? Don't because at the end of the day being happily unmarried is as liberating as is being in a fulfilling marriage. And don't let anything convince you otherwise!

Travelogue... 2015 and seeing the world...!

The last year has been a huge change for me. Shifting from India to US, starting our first year of marriage, leaving my job... there has been so much happening in life. The year had a lot of great experiences and some not so good ones but the best part of it was all the new places I got to visit thanks to my husband Ashish. He is a reluctant traveler but I always manage to convince him for the next great adventure. So here are a few places we were lucky enough to see this year:

• Sun & Sand - So this year I moved all the way from India to the sunshine state Florida on the east coast of North America. Florida is the place of perpetual vacation with countless beaches, palm trees all around and the beautiful blue waters surrounding it. Being a person who loves the seaside, it seemed like my dream state! The place we stay, Palm Beach Gardens, is a vacation spot in itself with greenery all around and vibrant beaches just miles away.

  

  Our society... Isn't it gorgeous!

  The first half of the year was spent visiting popular tourist spots in Florida and every place we went had a charm and specialty of its own. First on the list was the party city of Miami which was bustling with life. From the lovely restaurants on the sidewalk to the crowded beaches, South Beach in Miami is always throbbing with energy. And since it was Valentines' Day, it was extra decked up!

  

  Restaurants on the street...

  
  

  

  Striking a pose for V-Day

  The next place we visited was the city of Tampa located on the west coast of Florida. It was a trip covering the gorgeous beaches and the huge amusement park Busch Gardens. We spent a day on the beautiful beaches of Sarasota and Clearwater... playing in the waves and watching the sunset. The next day was reserved for enjoying the thrilling rides of Busch Gardens and I had my fill of exciting free-falls and roller-coasters.

  

  Soaking in the sunset at Clearwater beach

  
  

  

  Our group together at Busch Gardens

  The next vacation was one with water sports and trying new activities. This time we took a trip to Keywest, the southernmost tip of Florida. We were booked with an adventure company for a day of water sports in the middle of the ocean. It was during snorkeling that I panicked (not knowing how to swim) and for a few terrifying moments, felt I would drown! After that not-so-good experience, the rest of the day turned out to be a lot of fun with Parasailing and riding a Water Jet.

  

  Parasailing was fun!

  
  

  

  Touching the southernmost point of the country

  
   
• I <3 NYC... New York City... where dreams come true! A trip to the Big Apple was something I was waiting for my whole adult life. Ever since I watched the first episode of F.R,I.E.N.D.S. and ever since Carrie Bradshaw strutted down 5th Avenue, I have been dreaming of going to New York. The trip had everything I could have asked for and the cherry on the cake was that my sister and brother-in-law came down from Canada to make this trip even more memorable. The bustling vibrancy of Times Square, the serenity of Central Park, the first time we see the Statue of Liberty, the breathtaking view from the top of Empire State Building... each moment is something I will never forget. 

  

  Times Square buzzing with life...

  

  With my family at the Statue of Liberty

• Fall Colors... After braving months of hot summer and loads of rainfall, the autumn Gods smiled upon us as we geared up for a trip to see the famous Smoky Mountains in all its grandeur. The trick to visit the Smokys is in the dates... too soon and all the colors would not be visible... too late and the colors would be fading into browns. Thankfully, we were able to catch the mountains in their full bloom and it was a masterpiece of Nature. It was like someone had painted the mountains in vibrant reds, oranges and golds. I could spend hours just soaking in the beauty of it all.

  

  Colors of fall...

  A trip to the mountains also meant some adventure sports and we all tried out Ziplining for the first time. The rush of exhilaration that you feel when zooming through the mountains is indescribable. Make sure you keep your eyes open and take in the entire panoramic view!

  

  Flying through the mountains 

   
• Anni-Vegas-sary... We rounded off 2015 in style by a short trip to the Sin City... the city that never sleeps. Since it was our first anniversary, Ashish and I decided to visit Las Vegas and Grand Canyon to celebrate our one year of memories. Vegas is a city perpetually in motion... wherever you look... everyone is having fun. Walking down the famous Vegas strip, watching the dancing fountains of Bellagio... everything in Vegas is done in style. 

  

  Varied sights on the Vegas strip

  The trip also had a one day visit to the Grand Canyon, one of the world's greatest natural wonders. In a stark contrast to the greenery of Smoky Mountains, the Grand Canyon is like raw splendor... pure and unyielding. The beauty of the Canyons is in the deep chasms, the variation of the colors on its rocky face and absence of any greenery.

  

  The beautiful Grand Canyon

  I count myself lucky that we were able to visit all these beautiful places this year. Ultimately all a traveler is left with are memories and over the last year we have made some wonderful memories. The experience of traveling and seeing new places is something that excites me more than anything else. Hope the next year brings more reasons to pack our bags and more memories to make!

  

  Collections from our travels...

Changing realities...

Growing up means seeing yourself change and seeing the people around you change. As I stand on the verge of another milestone (even though age is just a number... its still an important one), I decided to take some time to reflect on how my views on life have changed. Have I grown wiser? Maybe not always. But I have definitely grown in experiences. Here are some things which have a new twist to them:

Love: Remember how the idea of love used to be songs on the radio, coffee dates, skipping tuition classes to meet? Remember the excitement and the madness of it all? Probably the thing that has changed the most is the innocence and fearlessness. When we didn't know the rules and restrictions, we would just plunge headlong into love. Many heartbreaks and many numbing experiences later, we slowly learnt to play by the rules. As we were growing up, the idea of love was also changing. Maybe we didn't notice it at first. But slowly, love became more than butterflies in the stomach. It became stability and the idea that someone can see the worst in you and still wake up next to you everyday. It became a person who would listen to us after a bad day at work and sit on a couch and watch TV with us. Many called it the death of romance but as we grow up, love transforms. Sure there would be days when there are fireworks and roses but after all... fireworks burn out and roses wilt... what remains is love and companionship.

Family: Growing up, most of us take our family for granted. They are always around, we love them, we fight with them and sometimes we think we hate them (remember when your mom wouldn't let you go out with friends). What we don't do is treasure them. We don't do it until the day comes when we are not living with them anymore... because of various reasons like jobs in different cities (even countries), marriage, studies. It suddenly dawns on us how much we miss having them around and how we were used to having them shelter and protect us. We realize it when we come back late from office and no one is waiting with food for us. We realize it when we have to wake up early to cook even though we are tired. We realize when we are about to make big decisions and they are not there to guide us. So spend time with them and tell them how much they mean before its too late.

Friendships: The days when friendship bands and Katti were all we needed to prove our friendship is indeed in the past. Gone are the days when we could meet everyday at school or hang out together for hours. Gone are the days when we would make new friends everyday and promise to stay friends forever. Now we have to sustain friendships over the Internet. Friends move away... sometimes we lose touch no matter how hard we try to hold on and sometimes we vow to meet up but never get the time. It is definitely not easy. Sustaining a friendship takes effort and as we grow older, we realize the value of friends and more importantly, we realize which are the friendships worth sustaining. Sometimes they may be miles away, on different continents but as life gets busier, we understand the need to put more effort into the friends we want to keep. So take the time, pick up your phone and call your friends or if you are lucky enough to have them near, go out and meet them!

Loss: Just as we gain so much growing up, when we look back we see a lot that we have lost. We have lost people we loved, we have lost relationships and we have lost time. Losing people we love is the most difficult thing to accept and deal with. As we grow older, we start to understand the idea of death and loss and start to form coping mechanisms to move on. That also means we start to appreciate the people we love more. We start to let go of people who don't matter and even though it hurts us, we understand that some relationships have to be ended. It is said that you'll never be younger than what you are today. When we start to understand that, we start to appreciate the value of time and how important it is to spend it in the right way and on the right people.

The thing about growing up is that most of the time we wish we were back in the age of innocence. Well that is in the past and all we can do is live in the present and not worry too much about the future. Here's to growing up!

Caught in the World of Harry Potter...

It was an ordinary day back when I was in the eighth standard and my grandfather had gifted us with two books. We had never heard of them... they had been brought to my grandfather by his book supplier (we used to call him Book Uncle) and my first impression was something like this...

Me: This is a children's book... It says wizard and stuff... I'm too old for this!
Dadu: Book Uncle said they are very good...
Me: I think he was fooling you...
Dadu: Ok, but still give it a read...  

So finally after initially discarding them, my younger sister and I decided to read the two books. They were Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone and Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. Since we did not know which one came first, we randomly chose and I ended up with The Chamber of Secrets. Little did I know that life as I knew it, was about to change forever. The rest as they say was history. After I was transported into the world of J.K. Rowling and flew through The Chamber of Secrets, I immediately started with The Philosopher's Stone. When I had read the only two available books, I just had to share it with my friends in school. So in my small way, I publicized Harry Potter among my school friends. In the ninth standard, for our school Fancy Dress competition, I dressed up three of my classmates as Harry, Ron and Hermione... it was such a cool moment for us! Over the next few years, we were treated to the rest of the Harry Potter novels and I'm glad my childhood was part of the Harry Potter magic. Of course, like all other fans, I dreamed of an alternate universe where we would be invited to join the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and was disappointed when it never happened!

The complete series of the Harry Potter books

And then Hollywood blessed us with the Harry Potter movie franchise. Though some of my friends disagreed with me and preferred to stay with their imagination of Harry Potter, I was extremely excited to see my favorite characters come alive on the big screen. Going to watch the first movie was exciting yet filled with trepidation. What if they missed the mark with the main characters? What if they story was not put across properly? The usual questions which worry fans... The first movie had me left with mixed emotions... As everyone knows, the casting was perfect but somehow the magic failed to translate. It was the third movie of the franchise Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, directed by Alfonso Cuaron which brought the magic into the movies. Finally, the movies were perfect (well obviously not as good as the books but still very good).

How the actors grew up with us :)

So after digressing a lot, I'll arrive at the point... what did I learn from the Harry Potter stories that will always stay with me?

• The hero is not always the one with the perfect physique, remarkable intelligence and amazing powers. Often he is not even a willing hero... often he is someone forced to be a hero for reasons which are bigger than him. Harry taught us that it is okay to not know everything, it is okay to be scared and it is okay to fail. What matters are the choices we make in life... to be courageous in spite of fear, to be humble in spite of being great and to accept that life goes on in spite of adversities.
• Choices in life... One of the most memorable quotes in the books is this one by Dumbledore... "It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities." In fact a recurrent idea in the books is that the choices we make in life matter more than we realize... sometimes they enable us to achieve greatness and sometimes they lead us to complete failure. The entire last book is based on the choice between Hallows or Horcruxes. The book might be called The Deathly Hallows but we all know what Harry ultimately chose. It is a thought which is echoed by Sirius Black when he says that we have both good and evil in us... what matters is the part we choose to act on. 
• Never underestimate the power of knowledge... Both Professor Dumbledore and Hermione taught us importance of knowledge and the constant need to keep learning. Hermione has been mocked many times for burying her nose in books but it is evident that without her constant supply of important knowledge (history of Hogwarts, how to make Polyjuice Potion, how to escape death from Basilisks), Harry would have found it difficult to overcome many of his adversaries. 
• Friendship and loyalty... Ron is the most obvious answer when it comes to lessons on friendship... the person who stays with Harry throughout his journey often at the cost of personal safety, the one who is forever under the shadow of his best friend's fame and yet never lets it get to him. Also, the friendship between James Potter, Sirius Black and Remus Lupin which proves that people may die but friendship lives. They also showed that trusting the wrong person sometimes makes the difference between life and death.
  Of course who could forget Dobby, the most loyal friend Harry had, the one who even sacrificed his life to help Harry. Let me tell you there was not a dry eye anywhere when the little elf died...
• Laughter is the best medicine... Fred and George showed us that laughter is sometimes the best thing you can offer when things are going wrong. Throughout the books, they provide the necessary comic relief and my favorite moment is when they fly out of Hogwarts with a breath-taking fireworks show. They were the true definition of entrepreneurs. They also made us think that anything is possible if we have the nerve for it. That Fred dies laughing is one of the most heart-breaking moments but a quiet reminder that even in our worst moments, we must find things to be happy for.
• Don't be ashamed of yourself... This is in fact a quote by Hagrid which goes "I am what I am an’ I’m not ashamed. ‘Never be ashamed,’ my ol’ dad used ter say, ‘there’s some who’ll hold it against you, but they’re not worth bothern’ with." This is true for each one of us because a lot of times, we try to become someone we are not, just to make others like us. Luna Lovegood is another example that its okay to be a little weird and people might make fun of you for it but in the end what matters is the kind of person you are. The important thing is to remember your roots and be true to yourself. It might make some people dislike you but it will make the right people love you! 
• The unsung heroes... The Harry Potter books are filled with examples of how people are misunderstood and that often the person least expected will surprise us. Be it Snape who was hated throughout the books only to show that he was one of the finest men in the Potter universe or Neville who was made out to be a laughingstock but in the end destroys the last Horcrux. The lesson from this is never to judge a person too soon because who knows what their journey has been. 
• The power of love... One thing J.K. Rowling has made very clear is that there is immense power in love. In fact all the major events in her books has an underlying force of love whether it is Lily sacrificing herself for Harry which sets off the entire chain of events or Snape's unrequited love for Lily which drives all his actions or Dumbledore's love for his dead sister which haunts him throughout his life or even Voldemort's (did I just take his name!) love for power which wreaks havoc on the world. What the author tries to show is that love is the ultimate power that can work miracles and those who undermine its value often end up regretting it. 

I could go on and on about this because what the books has taught me is immense. So instead of that I would simply thank J.K. Rowling for creating this series and giving us a magical world with so much to learn. As for the ones who never read this, I hope I have made some of you want to... Happy reading! Mischief Managed...

Our wedding story revisited!

On the eve of our first marriage anniversary, I thought of the perfect way to relive our wedding day. By putting it in writing, I get to experience the entire wedding story once more and now that its in perspective... I don't even have to worry about all the things that could go wrong! Also, I never got a chance to upload any wedding photos so that is another thing I get to do now. So here is how the big day played out right from when we broke the news!

Breaking the big news: The very first obstacle to overcome was telling our parents that we wanted to get married. A love marriage and on top of it between a Garhwali and a Bengali wasn't going to be a piece of cake! While for my parents, it was more of a progression from dating to marriage... for Ashish's parents it was a great big shock as they were completely oblivious to my status as a girl friend. After being too scared to broach the subject for months, he finally decided to do it from California via the completely reliable medium of Skype. Reliable because you can disconnect the call whenever the conversation got too uncomfortable! For anyone faced with the same task, a glass or two of Johnny Walker's finest will also help. Anyway, having told them about his great achievement and having received sufficient accolades for it, we all finally agreed to have a meeting between our parents in Delhi. Point to be noted, Ashish was still safely basking in the California sun while the unenviable task of moderating this meeting fell on me.

One from our dating days in Hyderabad

Meet the parents: Finally the day arrived in the scorching month of April when armed with my father, uncle and aunt, my sister and brother-in-law I met my would be in-laws for the very first time. Lets just say I got an idea about diplomatic meetings between heads of countries.... all smiles on the surface while both parties try to put their points forth. Though there were times when the meeting almost went out of hand (which is quite common in any wedding related meeting in India), the best thing that came out of this day was our wedding date! We were getting married in approximately seven months and that was all that mattered.
P.S. Because it turns out I am really bad at moderating sticky conversations, I concentrated on the delicious paneer tikka. Yummy...

North meets East

Time flies: Even though our wedding was seven months away, it turns out that in wedding planning standard time (WPST), I was already running late! There were makeup artists to be looked at, a lehenga to be stitched, photographer to be chosen and the most important... kilos to be shed. Of course it did not help that over the span of the next seven months I traveled to around six cities (including overseas). Somehow, with a lot of help from my family, things started falling into place. I booked a makeup artist, my lehenga design was selected and was being made and my parents found a photographer who would travel to Delhi. The really crazy part was making wedding arrangements in Delhi while being in Kolkata but thankfully my uncle and aunt took it upon themselves to see this through!
The weight-loss wasn't going too well though, what with hectic work schedules and bachelorette parties. Ashish was breezing through it all, his only task was to select a sherwani a week before the wedding.

My lehenga being made...

Ghar wapsi (Homecoming): Finally, it was November and the wedding was only two weeks away. But most importantly, Ashish was coming to India and we would meet after almost a year! He had two days in Hyderabad before we went off to our respective cities and I came up with the crazy idea of a pre-wedding photoshoot. Fortunately I had a willing friend and talented photographer Saranya and together we dragged a jet-lagged Ashish to gardens and pool-sides hoping to capture some gorgeous photos. I still think Ashish was too zoned out to complain and we ended up with many memorable pictures.

One from our photo-shoot

The pre-wedding frivolities: Before the actual wedding, we Indians have a variety of rituals for every region. For us Bengalis, one of the most important ones is Aiburobhat... it is a rice-ceremony where the unmarried bride or groom is served a feast of mouth-smacking food. It is literally the last meal before marriage and it is impossible to finish!

Aiburobhat... note the awesome food

Then it was time to fly to Delhi with my family including a super-energetic trio of mom and two aunts. In Delhi, there was the much awaited Mehendi and another round of Aiburobhat (its cruel to have this much of delicious food served to you when you have to fit into a lehenga the day after). In the meantime, Ashish had finally completed his only task of choosing a sherwani after much hunting around.
And suddenly it was the night before our wedding. My friends would all be flying in the next morning and frankly, I couldn't wait! Which would be great except that a pimple was threatening to disrupt the festivities.

Mehendi hands

Rise and shine: The morning of our wedding arrived bright and clear (unlike me who had messy mehendi hands). In the meantime, one ritual had been done at around 4 A.M. which I had sleepwalked through. The next ceremony to complete was the Haldi ritual and by then some of my friends had arrived from Kolkata and it was a full house! After a round of turmeric-splashing on the terrace, it was almost lunchtime (except that I was too nervous to have lunch) and I had to start getting ready for the evening. Amidst all the chaos, I decided that the wedding hall decoration was not going well so there was a few minutes of panic and shouting before my younger sister took over the shouting part.

Haldi smeared...

Hair and makeup: One of the huge parts of getting married is the getting ready part. Everyone wants to look their best and I was no exception. I had booked a well-known artist Bobby Chopra after reading good reviews and I was all prepared to be pampered. Except that she never showed up. After being booked in July with an advance. Minutes turned into hours and all calmness descended into mad frenzy while we finally realized that any bride's worst nightmare was coming true. Our hotel room was a mess, my Didi was furious on the phone and I was ready to start crying (I even tried calling Ashish to ask him to start a bit late) until we managed to locate a beauty parlor who agreed to come and dress me up. Thankfully, they were able to get me ready before the groom arrived at the wedding hall (though it was the very last second). To this day I remember the rush to the wedding hall in excruciating detail.

Finally dressed and ready...

All is well: Finally I was at the hall and it was only a wait of few seconds before I heard the marriage party arrive amidst all the music and dancing and I was asked to go down and join Ashish on the stage. My friends were accompanying me and there were butterflies in my stomach but everything stilled when I saw Ashish on the stage. My friends tell me I literally ran to the stage but it was a moment I had only read about. All the music and noise calmed down, all the faces became a sea of glitter and flashes of camera phones and we couldn't stop smiling. In fact, we couldn't stop smiling till the wee hours of the morning!

All smiles...

Party all night: Okay, so it wasn't really a party that went on all night but it was our long wedding rituals. After posing for endless photographs and a failed attempt at having dinner, we sat down to our actual rituals which would go on all night. My friends and sisters took refuge with bottles of Sprite (okay so it was not just Sprite) while we patiently sat through the rituals. Though there are photos of me yawning, it was completely involuntary. At 6 A.M. in the morning, we were declared married (by the remarkably upbeat Panditji) and allowed to go home. The weary onlookers dragged themselves back to the hotel to catch a few hours of sleep while Ashish and I headed home for another hour or two of rituals. Phew... it would be a long day!

The main part of the wedding rituals

So that was all folks! This was all a year ago and if I haven't thanked all the people who helped/ participated in/ attended/ photographed our wedding... well this is finally when you get the thanks. Keeping all these happy memories in our heart (and in the blog), its time to move on with our lives... Thanks for reading!

Photo courtesy: Saranya Ravichander, Shreya Jain, Madhuparna Srivastava, Devarupa Sengupta Gupta and some random photographs

Experiments with the "wrong" people...

The best part of life is that it constantly changes. Which means that no matter how bad it may seem today, it will change tomorrow. Which also means that we don't know whether it will change for the better or for worse. One of the things that makes life good or bad are the people we are surrounded with. Now we might argue that our happiness does not depend on other people but being a social animal, we cannot disregard the importance of society in our lives. Sometimes we will be surrounded by people who are good to us. Of course good does not mean that they need to praise us or give us gifts or even do anything for us. Good simply means that they bring positive energy to our lives. Sometimes, and sadly this has become more common, we will be surrounded by people who only bring negativity into our lives. In every phase of life, we will encounter these people. What changes is how we deal with them. Here are some rules I have made up from experience... not because I have been particularly successful in applying them but because it feels nice to think that you are in control ;)

• The wolves in sheep's clothing: They are at the top of the list because they are the most difficult to spot and therefore the most dangerous. They will be nice to you when they need and you will end up trusting them. But the minute your back is turned, they will be the Brutus in your life and because you are not Julius Caesar, you will not even realize that you have been stabbed. So you will go about your life not realizing that the person who is the sweetest to you is actually the one doing the most harm. The only way to deal with these people is to figure them out before they know all your secrets. And if you are naive like me, you have probably told them already and now you are screwed.
• The politicians: If loyalty is a quality important to you, then these are the people you should stay away from. Their ability to switch camps will put politicians to shame. When you think you can depend on them to support you in your time of need, you will suddenly see them sharing a Watsapp group with your enemies (I couldn't find a less dramatic word for enemies... just means people you are not very fond of). So how do you deal with them? Well, loyalty is not a quality everyone deserves so the only thing you can do is to not expect it from them and reserve it for people who will reciprocate.
• The Unpleasable (yes I made up a word): I used to be the kind of idealistic person who believed that people are mostly good inside and if we don't like them, it probably means we are not looking properly. However, experiences with different kinds of people made me realize that there are some people who will not be good to you no matter what you do for them. There are some people who will always be jealous and unappreciative of you even if you think the best about them. Once you accept this, there is a simple way of dealing with them. Simply stop trying to please and go on with living your life. This was a hard lesson for me to learn because I usually just try to please people making myself miserable in the process.
• The villains: Just like Gabbar and Thakur knew they were each others' enemies (sorry for the Bollywood reference), there will be people in your life that you just don't like and who don't like you. The reasons might be varied and trying to resolve differences might not have worked but there is no point in dwelling over these people. They are always going to bring negativity into your lives and make you spend pointless hours blaming yourself. On the bright side, there is no need to pretend that you like them and that saves you the effort of trying to be nice to them. The simple way to deal with them is to remove them as far as possible from your life. No I don't mean kill them (even if you want to). Just accept that they are somewhere out there in the world and if they try to mess up your life, then its revenge time!
• The lost ones: They are the ones who used to be positive factors in our lives but for some reason no longer hold that space. These include friends we are no longer friends with, ex boyfriends and girlfriends, people we had unresolved fights with... the list goes on. Thinking about things which did not work out always brings negativity and feelings of hatred. Dealing with these kind of people are tricky because there are two ways to go. If something can be resolved, make the effort of resolving it. It is always better to save a relationship which can be saved. Second way is to let go of the relationships and people which cannot be mended. Hating is not letting go, when you let go, you accept that things did not work out and be at peace with it. Choose which way to go wisely!

I won't list any more because this piece is making me depressed as I realize that I have met at least one person belonging to each category. So yes, there are or have been some negative people in my life but there are also many many people who bring positive energy whenever I talk to them. And they are the people I try to keep close. Ending this piece on a happy note and to the folks reading this... You have been warned!

Of heartbreaks and healing...

No relationship ever comes with a warranty of happily ever after. Everyday around the world, innumerable relationships end in heartbreak for at least one of the individuals. This blog is about how to deal with those times when the world seems to be crumbling around you and everything seems pointless. The answer, even though many would disagree with me, is not always at the bottom of the vodka bottle.

• Wake up, dress up and show up: I know it sounds tough but the most important thing is to go on with life. Everyday duties of life might seem very vague and pointless when you are going through a heart break, but believe me it is going to be a lot tougher when the haze lifts and you realize that you have missed important classes in college or that you have forgotten to pay necessary bills. It is easier said than done but if there is one thing that romantic comedies have taught us, it is that great things will happen once we pull ourselves off the couch and face mundane everyday life. And also that binge-eating will get you Colin Firth and Hugh Grant only in a movie!
• Stay way from the chocolates: Unless you are a person who never puts on weight no matter what they eat (yes that sounds like the ultimate dream), stay away from all the chocolates and ice-cream tubs. The candy aisle at the supermarket might seem to be the most enticing thing ever, but instead run in the opposite direction! While eating a bag of cookies and crying along with The Notebook  might seem appealing, no one ever felt better about a heart break after putting on weight. I have been through these routines and this is just a spiral down to the depths of misery.
• "Chaar bottle Vodka"?: If only alcohol could solve life's biggest problems, Devdas would be the next genius. Instead he is a sad, lonely (and dead) man. A few drinks might momentarily ease the pain and believe me, I am all for it. Having a few drinks with your girl friends followed by hours of discussing how men are not worth all the tears does help to vent your feelings. However, the challenge is to know where to stop because you know there is a thin line between poor wronged girl and creepy stalker who can't stop drunk-dialing her ex.
• A New Me: I have heard arguments against this but personally I think it works! A new haircut, a day at the spa, some retail therapy... all these help in confidence building. You might be the same person inherently but when your self-esteem is at a low, these are small things that can make you feel a little more confident. As long as you are not doing anything drastic, there is no harm in pampering yourself a little. Also, creating a new me does not mean suddenly quitting your job or deciding that you should move. Some decisions are life changing and needs rational thought. Others like buying that dress which your ex boyfriend didn't approve of, well just go for it! 
• Eat, pray, love: Some of the best travel stories are from people who decided to take a trip alone after suffering heart breaks. So instead of whining over what went wrong, this is the best time to venture out on your own with no one to dictate you. Go on the hike you always wanted to. Take the Zumba class you had been thinking about joining but never did. See new places and meet new people. You never know when your worst time could turn into your best experience. 
• Keep you friends close: When a person is going through a heart break, one of the most important pillars of support are friends. For girls this means late night phone calls, wiping each others' tears and hours of counselling. Followed by the unanimous decision that "all men are dogs". Boys on the other hand will spend exactly a minute discussing the heart break part and then spend hours playing video games/ drinking/ watching action movies. No matter what it is, friends have the capacity to get you through your worst relationship failures so it is important to invest in friendships. Who else will remind you that "He/She was not good enough for you. You deserve so much better"? Which brings us to the last thing.
• Exes cannot be friends: Think logically, you have enough friends already. Do you really want to maintain a challenging and draining friendship with someone who has caused you heart break? Often a healing process is completely defeated because people take the wrong decision of trying to remain friends after a break up. Face it, you will never be happy to see your ex with someone else. Let some things go because if it was meant to work, you would not be needing to make this decision at all.

To sum it up, every heart break takes its own time to heal. What we can do is to speed up the process and gain a new experience from it.
As always, thanks to my friends for holding my hands through many heartbreaks and helping me emerge a better person every time.