Our wedding story revisited!

On the eve of our first marriage anniversary, I thought of the perfect way to relive our wedding day. By putting it in writing, I get to experience the entire wedding story once more and now that its in perspective... I don't even have to worry about all the things that could go wrong! Also, I never got a chance to upload any wedding photos so that is another thing I get to do now. So here is how the big day played out right from when we broke the news!

Breaking the big news: The very first obstacle to overcome was telling our parents that we wanted to get married. A love marriage and on top of it between a Garhwali and a Bengali wasn't going to be a piece of cake! While for my parents, it was more of a progression from dating to marriage... for Ashish's parents it was a great big shock as they were completely oblivious to my status as a girl friend. After being too scared to broach the subject for months, he finally decided to do it from California via the completely reliable medium of Skype. Reliable because you can disconnect the call whenever the conversation got too uncomfortable! For anyone faced with the same task, a glass or two of Johnny Walker's finest will also help. Anyway, having told them about his great achievement and having received sufficient accolades for it, we all finally agreed to have a meeting between our parents in Delhi. Point to be noted, Ashish was still safely basking in the California sun while the unenviable task of moderating this meeting fell on me.

One from our dating days in Hyderabad

Meet the parents: Finally the day arrived in the scorching month of April when armed with my father, uncle and aunt, my sister and brother-in-law I met my would be in-laws for the very first time. Lets just say I got an idea about diplomatic meetings between heads of countries.... all smiles on the surface while both parties try to put their points forth. Though there were times when the meeting almost went out of hand (which is quite common in any wedding related meeting in India), the best thing that came out of this day was our wedding date! We were getting married in approximately seven months and that was all that mattered.
P.S. Because it turns out I am really bad at moderating sticky conversations, I concentrated on the delicious paneer tikka. Yummy...

North meets East

Time flies: Even though our wedding was seven months away, it turns out that in wedding planning standard time (WPST), I was already running late! There were makeup artists to be looked at, a lehenga to be stitched, photographer to be chosen and the most important... kilos to be shed. Of course it did not help that over the span of the next seven months I traveled to around six cities (including overseas). Somehow, with a lot of help from my family, things started falling into place. I booked a makeup artist, my lehenga design was selected and was being made and my parents found a photographer who would travel to Delhi. The really crazy part was making wedding arrangements in Delhi while being in Kolkata but thankfully my uncle and aunt took it upon themselves to see this through!
The weight-loss wasn't going too well though, what with hectic work schedules and bachelorette parties. Ashish was breezing through it all, his only task was to select a sherwani a week before the wedding.

My lehenga being made...

Ghar wapsi (Homecoming): Finally, it was November and the wedding was only two weeks away. But most importantly, Ashish was coming to India and we would meet after almost a year! He had two days in Hyderabad before we went off to our respective cities and I came up with the crazy idea of a pre-wedding photoshoot. Fortunately I had a willing friend and talented photographer Saranya and together we dragged a jet-lagged Ashish to gardens and pool-sides hoping to capture some gorgeous photos. I still think Ashish was too zoned out to complain and we ended up with many memorable pictures.

One from our photo-shoot

The pre-wedding frivolities: Before the actual wedding, we Indians have a variety of rituals for every region. For us Bengalis, one of the most important ones is Aiburobhat... it is a rice-ceremony where the unmarried bride or groom is served a feast of mouth-smacking food. It is literally the last meal before marriage and it is impossible to finish!

Aiburobhat... note the awesome food

Then it was time to fly to Delhi with my family including a super-energetic trio of mom and two aunts. In Delhi, there was the much awaited Mehendi and another round of Aiburobhat (its cruel to have this much of delicious food served to you when you have to fit into a lehenga the day after). In the meantime, Ashish had finally completed his only task of choosing a sherwani after much hunting around.
And suddenly it was the night before our wedding. My friends would all be flying in the next morning and frankly, I couldn't wait! Which would be great except that a pimple was threatening to disrupt the festivities.

Mehendi hands

Rise and shine: The morning of our wedding arrived bright and clear (unlike me who had messy mehendi hands). In the meantime, one ritual had been done at around 4 A.M. which I had sleepwalked through. The next ceremony to complete was the Haldi ritual and by then some of my friends had arrived from Kolkata and it was a full house! After a round of turmeric-splashing on the terrace, it was almost lunchtime (except that I was too nervous to have lunch) and I had to start getting ready for the evening. Amidst all the chaos, I decided that the wedding hall decoration was not going well so there was a few minutes of panic and shouting before my younger sister took over the shouting part.

Haldi smeared...

Hair and makeup: One of the huge parts of getting married is the getting ready part. Everyone wants to look their best and I was no exception. I had booked a well-known artist Bobby Chopra after reading good reviews and I was all prepared to be pampered. Except that she never showed up. After being booked in July with an advance. Minutes turned into hours and all calmness descended into mad frenzy while we finally realized that any bride's worst nightmare was coming true. Our hotel room was a mess, my Didi was furious on the phone and I was ready to start crying (I even tried calling Ashish to ask him to start a bit late) until we managed to locate a beauty parlor who agreed to come and dress me up. Thankfully, they were able to get me ready before the groom arrived at the wedding hall (though it was the very last second). To this day I remember the rush to the wedding hall in excruciating detail.

Finally dressed and ready...

All is well: Finally I was at the hall and it was only a wait of few seconds before I heard the marriage party arrive amidst all the music and dancing and I was asked to go down and join Ashish on the stage. My friends were accompanying me and there were butterflies in my stomach but everything stilled when I saw Ashish on the stage. My friends tell me I literally ran to the stage but it was a moment I had only read about. All the music and noise calmed down, all the faces became a sea of glitter and flashes of camera phones and we couldn't stop smiling. In fact, we couldn't stop smiling till the wee hours of the morning!

All smiles...

Party all night: Okay, so it wasn't really a party that went on all night but it was our long wedding rituals. After posing for endless photographs and a failed attempt at having dinner, we sat down to our actual rituals which would go on all night. My friends and sisters took refuge with bottles of Sprite (okay so it was not just Sprite) while we patiently sat through the rituals. Though there are photos of me yawning, it was completely involuntary. At 6 A.M. in the morning, we were declared married (by the remarkably upbeat Panditji) and allowed to go home. The weary onlookers dragged themselves back to the hotel to catch a few hours of sleep while Ashish and I headed home for another hour or two of rituals. Phew... it would be a long day!

The main part of the wedding rituals

So that was all folks! This was all a year ago and if I haven't thanked all the people who helped/ participated in/ attended/ photographed our wedding... well this is finally when you get the thanks. Keeping all these happy memories in our heart (and in the blog), its time to move on with our lives... Thanks for reading!

Photo courtesy: Saranya Ravichander, Shreya Jain, Madhuparna Srivastava, Devarupa Sengupta Gupta and some random photographs

Experiments with the "wrong" people...

The best part of life is that it constantly changes. Which means that no matter how bad it may seem today, it will change tomorrow. Which also means that we don't know whether it will change for the better or for worse. One of the things that makes life good or bad are the people we are surrounded with. Now we might argue that our happiness does not depend on other people but being a social animal, we cannot disregard the importance of society in our lives. Sometimes we will be surrounded by people who are good to us. Of course good does not mean that they need to praise us or give us gifts or even do anything for us. Good simply means that they bring positive energy to our lives. Sometimes, and sadly this has become more common, we will be surrounded by people who only bring negativity into our lives. In every phase of life, we will encounter these people. What changes is how we deal with them. Here are some rules I have made up from experience... not because I have been particularly successful in applying them but because it feels nice to think that you are in control ;)

• The wolves in sheep's clothing: They are at the top of the list because they are the most difficult to spot and therefore the most dangerous. They will be nice to you when they need and you will end up trusting them. But the minute your back is turned, they will be the Brutus in your life and because you are not Julius Caesar, you will not even realize that you have been stabbed. So you will go about your life not realizing that the person who is the sweetest to you is actually the one doing the most harm. The only way to deal with these people is to figure them out before they know all your secrets. And if you are naive like me, you have probably told them already and now you are screwed.
• The politicians: If loyalty is a quality important to you, then these are the people you should stay away from. Their ability to switch camps will put politicians to shame. When you think you can depend on them to support you in your time of need, you will suddenly see them sharing a Watsapp group with your enemies (I couldn't find a less dramatic word for enemies... just means people you are not very fond of). So how do you deal with them? Well, loyalty is not a quality everyone deserves so the only thing you can do is to not expect it from them and reserve it for people who will reciprocate.
• The Unpleasable (yes I made up a word): I used to be the kind of idealistic person who believed that people are mostly good inside and if we don't like them, it probably means we are not looking properly. However, experiences with different kinds of people made me realize that there are some people who will not be good to you no matter what you do for them. There are some people who will always be jealous and unappreciative of you even if you think the best about them. Once you accept this, there is a simple way of dealing with them. Simply stop trying to please and go on with living your life. This was a hard lesson for me to learn because I usually just try to please people making myself miserable in the process.
• The villains: Just like Gabbar and Thakur knew they were each others' enemies (sorry for the Bollywood reference), there will be people in your life that you just don't like and who don't like you. The reasons might be varied and trying to resolve differences might not have worked but there is no point in dwelling over these people. They are always going to bring negativity into your lives and make you spend pointless hours blaming yourself. On the bright side, there is no need to pretend that you like them and that saves you the effort of trying to be nice to them. The simple way to deal with them is to remove them as far as possible from your life. No I don't mean kill them (even if you want to). Just accept that they are somewhere out there in the world and if they try to mess up your life, then its revenge time!
• The lost ones: They are the ones who used to be positive factors in our lives but for some reason no longer hold that space. These include friends we are no longer friends with, ex boyfriends and girlfriends, people we had unresolved fights with... the list goes on. Thinking about things which did not work out always brings negativity and feelings of hatred. Dealing with these kind of people are tricky because there are two ways to go. If something can be resolved, make the effort of resolving it. It is always better to save a relationship which can be saved. Second way is to let go of the relationships and people which cannot be mended. Hating is not letting go, when you let go, you accept that things did not work out and be at peace with it. Choose which way to go wisely!

I won't list any more because this piece is making me depressed as I realize that I have met at least one person belonging to each category. So yes, there are or have been some negative people in my life but there are also many many people who bring positive energy whenever I talk to them. And they are the people I try to keep close. Ending this piece on a happy note and to the folks reading this... You have been warned!

Of heartbreaks and healing...

No relationship ever comes with a warranty of happily ever after. Everyday around the world, innumerable relationships end in heartbreak for at least one of the individuals. This blog is about how to deal with those times when the world seems to be crumbling around you and everything seems pointless. The answer, even though many would disagree with me, is not always at the bottom of the vodka bottle.

• Wake up, dress up and show up: I know it sounds tough but the most important thing is to go on with life. Everyday duties of life might seem very vague and pointless when you are going through a heart break, but believe me it is going to be a lot tougher when the haze lifts and you realize that you have missed important classes in college or that you have forgotten to pay necessary bills. It is easier said than done but if there is one thing that romantic comedies have taught us, it is that great things will happen once we pull ourselves off the couch and face mundane everyday life. And also that binge-eating will get you Colin Firth and Hugh Grant only in a movie!
• Stay way from the chocolates: Unless you are a person who never puts on weight no matter what they eat (yes that sounds like the ultimate dream), stay away from all the chocolates and ice-cream tubs. The candy aisle at the supermarket might seem to be the most enticing thing ever, but instead run in the opposite direction! While eating a bag of cookies and crying along with The Notebook  might seem appealing, no one ever felt better about a heart break after putting on weight. I have been through these routines and this is just a spiral down to the depths of misery.
• "Chaar bottle Vodka"?: If only alcohol could solve life's biggest problems, Devdas would be the next genius. Instead he is a sad, lonely (and dead) man. A few drinks might momentarily ease the pain and believe me, I am all for it. Having a few drinks with your girl friends followed by hours of discussing how men are not worth all the tears does help to vent your feelings. However, the challenge is to know where to stop because you know there is a thin line between poor wronged girl and creepy stalker who can't stop drunk-dialing her ex.
• A New Me: I have heard arguments against this but personally I think it works! A new haircut, a day at the spa, some retail therapy... all these help in confidence building. You might be the same person inherently but when your self-esteem is at a low, these are small things that can make you feel a little more confident. As long as you are not doing anything drastic, there is no harm in pampering yourself a little. Also, creating a new me does not mean suddenly quitting your job or deciding that you should move. Some decisions are life changing and needs rational thought. Others like buying that dress which your ex boyfriend didn't approve of, well just go for it! 
• Eat, pray, love: Some of the best travel stories are from people who decided to take a trip alone after suffering heart breaks. So instead of whining over what went wrong, this is the best time to venture out on your own with no one to dictate you. Go on the hike you always wanted to. Take the Zumba class you had been thinking about joining but never did. See new places and meet new people. You never know when your worst time could turn into your best experience. 
• Keep you friends close: When a person is going through a heart break, one of the most important pillars of support are friends. For girls this means late night phone calls, wiping each others' tears and hours of counselling. Followed by the unanimous decision that "all men are dogs". Boys on the other hand will spend exactly a minute discussing the heart break part and then spend hours playing video games/ drinking/ watching action movies. No matter what it is, friends have the capacity to get you through your worst relationship failures so it is important to invest in friendships. Who else will remind you that "He/She was not good enough for you. You deserve so much better"? Which brings us to the last thing.
• Exes cannot be friends: Think logically, you have enough friends already. Do you really want to maintain a challenging and draining friendship with someone who has caused you heart break? Often a healing process is completely defeated because people take the wrong decision of trying to remain friends after a break up. Face it, you will never be happy to see your ex with someone else. Let some things go because if it was meant to work, you would not be needing to make this decision at all.

To sum it up, every heart break takes its own time to heal. What we can do is to speed up the process and gain a new experience from it.
As always, thanks to my friends for holding my hands through many heartbreaks and helping me emerge a better person every time.

The everyday stories of fallen angels...

It is difficult being a girl in a country where most rules are made for girls and the consequences of breaking those rules are also faced by them. Hundreds of cases of rape, molestation, sexual harassment come out every year and any logical person knows that the number being reported is only a small fraction. There are serious offences taking place every day that are not even reported because a majority in our country are taught to ignore rather than fight back. Forget incidents that can be pointed at, so much of sexual harassment happens in a public space and so frequently that sometimes we cannot even make out whether it was accidental or intentional. This blog is not a feminist rant, it is a collection of very real incidents (without going into names) that has happened in everyday lives. What happens when we ignore? Does it leave a mark? Do we keep thinking about it over years? Do we learn to build up our defenses?

Travelling by public transport during school days was a menace especially during peak hours. Cramped in a crowded, sweaty bus with people falling over you every time the driver braked, it was often a casual stroke of the hand against your back or a quick grope in the crowd where you can't even make out who did it. These stories are commonplace and I haven't come across anyone who has traveled in those over-crowded buses and has not experienced a variety of these. Most ignored these crass advances while willing their stop to come soon, some replied with sharp jabs of the elbow or a stamp of their heels. Shared autos were another evil when sitting squashed in the back seat with perverts who got their two minutes of pleasure by trying to grope you while hiding their hands behind bags. After a few bad experiences, most girls I know are now extremely careful when sitting in autos, often shouting at the passenger and making him get down if he tries to attempt anything. Sometimes you were not even spared while walking. Forget catcalls and the occasional jeering, a very common harassment was a random hand grabbing you while you walked down a busy street. Before you can react, cry out or even see who did it, the hand has vanished into the crowd. What you are left with is pain, embarrassment and years of clutching your dupatta or bag in front of you while you walked.

Then there are the more direct cases, the ones where you know it is completely intentional. The tailor who feels you up while acting like he is taking measurements. The tuition teacher who touches your body parts while claiming he was 'teaching' you biology. The doctor who lingers on your breast while checking them. Yes I know many would say that it was all imagined or that you are overthinking. But you know it was real and you were too scared or embarrassed to tell anyone. Sometimes you wondered whether it was your fault and you felt guilty about not speaking  up. So you simply switched tailors or you gave excuses to not go to the tuition. It is all in the spirit of ignoring what is going on and convincing yourself that it was somehow your fault. And even if it was not your fault, it is easier to just start going to a different tailor/ teacher/ doctor than deal with all the unpleasant confrontations.

And these are not even offences like rape where victim-blaming is so common that even the rapists know that if they somehow blamed the victim, some brain-dead people would definitely agree with them. Whether it is the question of what the victim was wearing or what she was doing with male friends... somehow the offended becomes the offender. But I digress. What I am discussing here are everyday occurrences most of which cannot even be explained, let alone be reported to the police. But do they stay with us in our minds and psyche? Yes they do. Most of the people who recounted these incidents remembered the details with utmost clarity. So why do we still insist on ignoring? Why can't we teach young children to be offended and to react when anything like this happens? The good thing is that more people are speaking up now and with the advent of social media, a lot of information and stories of how someone stood up to their offender are available. Precaution is important but so is knowing when it is not your fault and confronting the matter. Being aware of your surroundings and knowing how to protect yourself is what we should be learning and teaching others. That would be true empowerment and that is the only way things will start to change.

Durga Puja diaries... and Nostalgia!

Its that time of the year again. It is said that a Bengali always plans his/her year around Durga Puja. The first thing we check out at the beginning of the year are the festival dates and if you are staying outside Kolkata, you need to save your vacation days for Durga Puja. The worst event in a Bengali IT engineer's life is if there is a production release around Durga Puja time.... then there would be some blood and tears!
Being a Bengali, it is needless to say that the five days of Durga Puja are the most important days in my year. Over the last few years my job in Hyderabad forced me to stay away from Kolkata but I always went back every year with the same anticipation and excitement. It is a time to forget everything else, be with family and friends and just soak in the festivities. For us, it is not just about offering prayers and asking for Maa Durga's blessings, it is more than a religious activity, it is a five day extravaganza when the city is transformed into an unending celebration.
This year things are different because I am in a different continent and would not be able to make it home for the puja. As I write this blog, I realize that I would rather be experiencing the festival than sitting on my sofa and reminiscing about it. But instead of whining about what can't be, here are my thoughts of what Durga Puja has always been to me.

The idol at Sovabazar Rajbari... one of the oldest in Kolkata

• Mahalaya... Seven days before the start of Durga Puja, Mahalaya heralds the start of the journey for Durga Maa and her children. What I remember most about it is the early morning program on All India Radio called "The Annihilation of the Demon". My sisters and I would be fast asleep in bed and at about four in the morning, my dad would turn on the radio in our bedroom. We would wake up to the booming voice of Birendra Krishna Bhadra reciting Sanskrit shlokas followed by the Doordarshan program about how Maa Durga was created to annihilate Mahisasura. In that moment, in the wee hours of the morning, my heart would be filled with inexplicable joy and anticipation. Puja had begun!
• Shopping... A Bengali will always religiously shop for Durga Puja. When we were kids, it was imperative that we have two new garments for each day of Puja. We would brave the heavy crowds, the humid Kolkata weather and hours of browsing and bargaining to get the perfect clothes. It was a time to pull out all stops, follow the fashion trends of the year and generally flaunt our wardrobes. I remember when my sisters and I would make a chart for the Puja week with a list of the clothes we would wear each day! The irony now is that I have all the clothes I could possibly want but not the opportunity to wear them and enjoy the festival.

  

  Shopping frenzy at New Market

• Cultural Events... As kids, the most important aspect of Durga Puja was the performances we put up. Plays, dances, songs... we did it all! Rehearsals would start months before Puja and all of us would put in tremendous amount of hard work to ensure that the shows were memorable. The fun times, the colorful costumes and makeup and most of all the applause... these are some of my most cherished memories. Before it all became commercialized, this was a time to bond with all the kids of our society and enjoy performing on stage.

  

  Children perform at our society

• Pandal hopping... Everyone knows the most important thing about Durga Puja is pandal (the temporary fabricated structures put up for housing the goddess) hopping or the art of visiting as many pandals as you can manage. And believe me, as any Bengali will tell you, it is not an easy task! Beating the crowds, managing parking, navigating the long lines and yet keeping your makeup intact for the photos... it is truly an art. Going out with friends, we would always start with a lot of enthusiasm and finally end up gorging on Chinese food in Chinatown. The other memorable time was the all night pandal hopping which is a tradition in itself. During these five days it feels like the entire city is awake and on the streets. My younger sister would always protest because she hated being up all night and dragged through the crowds but I always looked forward to it. Well this year I will be doing virtual pandal hopping thanks to social media. What I would give to part of the festive crowd with my family this year!

  

  This is not a building... It's a pandal constructed like a zamindar house. 

• Sindur Khela and Immersion... Strictly speaking, I have not got the chance to participate in Sindur Khela yet which is when married ladies take blessings of the Gods and apply vermilion on each other. After getting married last year, this would be my first chance to take part in this ritual. But till last year, I enjoyed watching as the ladies of the society would engage in smearing vermilion on each other and bidding farewell to Maa Durga. Of course, I would also be the designated photographer for this occasion. The last bit of the festival which is etched on my mind is the immersion of the idols into the water and the hopeful cries of "Asche bocchor abar hobey" (We'll wait for you next year). There would always be a heavy feeling in my heart which signaled that the festivities were over and it was time to get back to the grind. But what remains is the hope of next year even if we do not know what the next year will bring. That is indeed the spirit and soul of Durga Pujo!

  

  Sindur khela time... My mother and elder sister with friends

  
  
   

Be strong when you are weak...

I recently came across a quote by Michelle Moschetti...
“Be strong when you are weak. Be brave when you are scared. Be humble when you are victorious.”

This quote stuck with me because of the sheer dichotomy between the two things... how can you be strong when you are weak? How can you be brave when you are scared? Is it possible to be humble when you are victorious?

Being weak is not a negative quality. It is okay to admit that you wanted that job that you did not get. It is alright to cry because a person you thought was a friend betrayed you. It is fine that you shut yourself out because you lost someone you loved and your world fell apart. All these things that test our inner strength can sometimes make us feel that we are weak and cannot handle pain. So when everything seems to be going against us, how do we stay strong?

I once heard this line... "When the world pushes you down to your knees, you are in the perfect position to pray". Here pray does not merely mean praying to God. There are people who find strength in prayer, who believe that there is a divine being who is looking after them. So in these times, they turn to God for strength and for hope. There is also another power, a power that we have within us. At the cost of sounding cliched, I have to say that we often underestimate the strength that we have. The strength in the form of parents, families, friends, our own skills, hobbies... these are things we forget when the weight of our troubles makes us feel weak. To be strong when we are at our lowest is not at all easy and there are times when it feels impossible. The important thing is to acknowledge weakness, make peace with it but never give in to it. 

The monsters under our beds are now monsters within us. These are monsters we fight every day... depression, fear of losing our loved ones, fear of failure... there are times when I feel so scared of my future that I am unable to deal with my present. So how do we be brave when we are scared?

As we learned in Harry Potter (and echoed throughout history), "the only thing to fear is fear itself". While Harry was bewildered when he heard this, what it means is that the source of fear is often out of our control but what we can control is our reaction to it. That is the only way to face our demons, accept that there will always be things outside our control and the only way to not be scared of them is to prepare ourselves to the best of our abilities and believe that "help will always come to those who deserve it".

There are times when everything is going great in life. Plans are working out, the pieces of the puzzle are falling into place and everything is great. When we are winning in life, is it possible to remain grounded? It is not wrong to praise ourselves or bask in our victories. In fact, being happy with yourself is a very important quality. But when does it transcend into empty pride and ego?

I used to write a quote on my office whiteboard... "Keep smiling, the worst is yet to come". 

While a lot of people told me, it was an unnecessarily negative quote, I had two reasons for it. One, when I was down, it reminded me that things could be a lot worse and that gave me the strength to carry on with a smile. Secondly, it would remind me to be humble and not take things for granted because tomorrow could bring difficulties and new things to learn. And if you are wondering about the other quote written across the board, "No one is free... Even the birds are chained to the sky", it is another line which I heard and it stuck in my mind. This line also helps me stay grounded and be in touch with reality.

The real attempt of this blog is to remind ourselves that there will be times when we will be down... those are the times to look for the strength that we already have and it will surprise us. And also that there will be times when pride can create disillusion... that is when a reality check will help us.

What color do you choose?

That India is a racist country is an undeniable fact. There is prejudice against dark skin color and color is associated... often unfairly... with caste, region, social strata and the list goes on. While dismissing racism as a Western evil, we participate in it everyday and in almost everything. Personally, I have faced a lot of snide remarks and insults because of my dark skin and even though I have slowly learned to accept it and take pride in it, there have been times when I have wished that I was different. There are so many wrong concepts ingrained in us that it is painful to think about and the worst part is that most people do not even realize that their obsession with fair complexion is something that should change. I wanted to point out some obvious situations which brings out this racist mentality in us so here goes:

• Idea that fair is lovely: The major problem is the idea that you are beautiful only if you are fair skinned. From matrimonial ads to commercials, everything in India will scream out to you that you should not be dark. I was in the fifth standard when I overheard some of my "friends" laughing about how dark and ugly I was. That was the first time it struck me that something was wrong in our mentality if even kids of the fifth standard mocked a person because of their complexion. If you open any random matrimonial section, everyone wants a bride who is "tall, fair and slim". Nothing else matters as long as you qualify in these three categories. I have heard people argue that the reason for this is so that their kids would also have fair skin... so let me get this straight... you are not only a biased generation, you are ensuring that the next generation is equally biased. My wedding makeup artist tried to make me "white" by putting on layers of compact powder when my sister intervened saying that we are not trying to hide anything so please wipe that right off. She didn't look too pleased, after all she was doing me a favor by trying to whiten me up!
• The caste divide: Another ridiculous thing that we Indians do is depict lower caste people as dark-skinned and upper castes as fair-skinned. Growing up, it was nothing out of the ordinary to see textbooks with pictures of pandits having lighter skin and manual laborers having dark complexion. It was not until I was older and read more about all these that I realized that the idea we have about complexion being an yardstick for measuring a person's worth is not only wrong, but extremely deep-rooted. This deep-seated prejudice has led to the idea that fair is beautiful and this continues to be propagated through movies, commercials and even school textbooks.
• The region bias: Being a land of diversity, we Indians could have embraced the rich diversity and learned from the innumerable cultures. Instead, it is alarming to observe the biased opinions that many of us hold towards the people who seem different from us. From the context of this article, one of the most common prejudice we have is when we say... "North Indians are fair skinned and South Indians are dark skinned". And then proceed to explain about Aryans and Dravidians not realizing that we are participating in stereotyping. 

Growing up in India, I have been reminded time and again about how being fair is better and how a tube of Fair and Lovely can get me a job even if I am not qualified for it! When I hear educated people say how they are eating certain things to ensure that their kids would be born with fair skin, I am afraid that we are carrying these prejudices to our next generation. Even though I have made peace with my skin color and realized that success has got nothing to do with your complexion (even though  Indian beauty ads will tell you otherwise), I wonder when we will stop shaming people because of the color they are born with?