Lockdown ramblings...

Yes yes I know! This lockdown has everyone and their aunt thinking that they have unleashed new or hidden talents. Let me assure you, I am not one of them. I have not rediscovered some dying passion or inculcated any new hobbies, in fact, I may be on the verge of forgetting some existing ones. Sadly, this writing will not contain any brilliant piece of art that I have produced or any spark of new skill that my toddler has learnt. We are very much rambling through this unusual situation that has brought the world down to its knees and trying to make through each day without having a melt down. I have to report though, I am guilty of more meltdowns than my toddler. There, how’s that for an achievement!

However, not everything is as bleak as it sounds. There are indeed some new and never before imagined skills that I have picked up (and baking banana bread is not one of them). 

1. Spectacular Balancing Acts: This involves balancing your phone/AirPods with one hand (because you’re on a never ending conference call) while trying to get a kicking toddler who refuses to part with his toys into his seat and buckle him in. It also involves explaining why you were unable to un-mute yourself when you were asked a question (Tip: My toddler snatched away my phone and put it into his food is hilarious only once).

2. Vinyasa Pose: Nothing to do with the actual relaxing yoga pose. This one involves being in front of your laptop to look at a screen share, swivel right to feed your toddler, swivel left to feed yourself and somehow twist back to get food from the kitchen counter. I think I have almost forgotten how sitting in a comfy office chair feels like. On the bright side though, standing all day and running after a bundle of energy has to count as some form of exercise. Take that, you home gymming bunch of show offs!

3. Technology: I swear I have never used the mute button my phone as much as I have used it in the past 4 months. When you’re in a meeting and also in the middle of toilet-training your toddler, the mute feature is your best friend. And for the technology-challenged, also your worst enemy. I mean c’mon, it’s been 4 months, we really don’t need to hear you flush in the middle of a conference call. Add to that Teams calls, Skype calls, Zoom calls and what not, we have definitely upgraded our technology usage. 

4. Online Shopping: While single people are saving due to not having to go out, I am developing a daily relationship with the Amazon delivery person. I mean who needs to go out when you can order new toys every day with the click of a button! (Tip: Let me tell you, no toy is going to stop your toddler from screaming right as you unmute yourself). And do I really need more home clothes? Who knows, it’s all become very blurry...

5. Catch and Throw: This is a very fun game which involves asking your toddler “Go to Mumma/Papa” and shouting “Your turn!”. The winner is the person who is better at convincing said toddler. After 4 months of working from home, we have both gotten very good at it though aforementioned toddler has figured out that it might be a ploy to get rid of him and refuses to budge.

6. Coding skills: This one is for the programmers. I mean, I have a lot of experience coding with a manager breathing down my neck asking for progress. But now I have a toddler jumping down my neck, pulling my hair out while I try to figure out why a single line of code in a 1000 line file threw an exception. Why, why do you think? And just when you figure it out, the toddler has also figured out the power button on the entire keyboard. 

There, who said that we have learnt nothing in these last few months? I have definitely learnt to make the most of the situation, look at the rainbows in the storm clouds and enjoy the extra time that I have gotten to spend with my family.

That and also, let your toddler run around like a wound up crazy person all around the house so that he tires himself out. Otherwise, you are going to really regret it at bedtime... Yawn yawn, that’s all the time I got!

What a year...!

So 2016 is now officially over and all we can do is look back at the year gone by, think about all the experiences we had and all the pain and happiness that this year brought. I am not one for resolutions so I don't do too much of those but at the beginning of every year, I try to imagine how that year might be. Of course, the best thing about life is the unpredictability and the highs and lows of a year are often much more than I can ever imagine. So today, I will think about all that 2016 brought and as always, imagine how 2017 might be (only to be proved wrong by life)!

If I have to put it in a nutshell, 2016 was one of the most eventful years of my life. There was so much that happened that I could probably write a series of blogs about it (and I have written a few). The year started with a lot of uncertainty as I struggled to get a job in US. At that time, I had no idea what the year would bring or where I would eventually land up! Well February answered that question for me and sent me to Stamford in snow-covered Connecticut. The next nine months were a continuous stream of new experiences and it almost seems like a short story about a small part of my life. Now that I am back in Florida, it seems a little surreal that just a couple of months ago, I was in a completely different city living a completely (well almost) different life. But if there is anything that my time in Stamford has taught me, it is to always be open to new opportunities. You never know what it would lead to and the new friends you might make! The time also taught me how to deal with a long distance marriage and it's difficulties. It was tough but it made us realize the importance of communication and the extra effort it takes to keep the romance alive. And when I finally moved back to Florida, I also experienced the happiness of returning home. The year ended on a great note with my family coming down from India and Canada to celebrate the holidays. Amidst all the celebrations and the good times, I also learnt that family gatherings are not always picture-perfect but they are still beautiful! I can sum up the year in my favorite line from Sex and the City (well this line always makes sense)... "After all, seasons change. So do cities. People come into your life and people go. But it's comforting to know the ones you love are always in your heart. And if you're very lucky, a plane ride away."

So now that an amazing year is over, it is time for the more interesting part - imagining how the next year would be. Would it bring some unexpected happiness? Would there be troubles that I can't even think of right now? Would I have to let go of people (which incidentally is my biggest fear in life)? The questions are never easy nor can I ever answer them confidently. And whenever I try to answer, life changes the questions. So all I have learnt is to prepare myself and vow to always try and be a better version of myself. A new and improved version if that even exists. After all, isn't that all we can do... take our experiences and try to make our lives better? In fact all I know for sure right now is that I have to be back at work tomorrow after a week of vacation and my inbox is overflowing...! Everything else is a mystery and the unknown is always fun! But here are a few things I have thought of:
Things I'm looking forward to: Getting settled in my new job, seeing the world more, going to India to meet my parents (more of a wish than anything more)
Things I'm not looking forward to: Turning 30!!!

And that's all I know right now... 2017... I don't know everything that you would bring. And to tell you the truth, I love surprises. I might not be prepared for all that you put in my path but I will not stop walking and who knows... I might even end up running!

Travel tales... An alternate to hotels

How many times have you booked hotels while travelling and found the rates too high and every hotel almost the same? After staying in countless hotels, I was intrigued when my sister suggested AirBnB while we were planning a family trip to New York.  All the hotels we had looked at were either too expensive or too far away or too shady to stay in. Taking the decision to stay at someone's home was not an easy one especially because we are foreigners in  this country. But on my sister's insistence, we went on to the AirBnB website and started to check out this whole new phenomena of staying in people's homes. Finally after a lot of researching, we narrowed down a few choices and sent out queries to all of them, waiting eagerly for someone to accept our request. Pretty soon, we got an invitation to stay at a townhouse in Queens, New York.
And that's how my tryst with AirBnB started.

New York (Queens)
Our first AirBnB experience was at the home of Rayna in Queens, New York. It was a charming townhouse which the hostess told us was almost 90 years old! Although it took us some time to find the apartment, as soon as we stepped inside, we fell in love with the living spaces. Our rooms were on the first floor while Rayna and her family stayed on the ground floor. What we loved most about her home was that it had an unique character. The neighborhood was quiet with lot of greenery, it was a short walk from the subway station and just twenty minutes away from happening Times Square. She had an eclectic and fun mix of furniture and everything was just as promised. We spent three days in New York and we absolutely loved coming back to Rayna's home after a tiring day of sightseeing. We even got to meet our hostess during our trip and she was really lovely to talk to. All in all, our first experience with AirBnB was great and I couldn't wait to try it again!

Outside of the townhouse

Inside of the house...

Smoky Mountains
The next time we used AirBnB was when we were planning a trip to the Smoky Mountains. We wanted to stay right in the heart of the Smokys and we especially wanted to stay in a log cabin. Some research later, we chanced across a beautiful log cabin in Gatlinburg. It even had a magical name 'Moonshine Ridge' and even on the website, it looked beautiful! We reached the Smoky mountains and after a day of roaming around, started towards the cabin. It was a dark, winding road towards Danny's cabin but we finally found it. Though we couldn't explore the outside of the cabin because it was completely dark, the inside of the place simply blew us away! It was a two-floored cabin with beautiful furniture, an electric fireplace and even a pool table which made the boys very happy. The next morning, we started to explore the outsde of our cabin and it was breathtaking. Beautiful trees with gorgeous fall colors enveloped the cabin and the ground was a thick carpet of read, orange and gold. I think staying at that cabin added an extra something to our trip. We had a fun time during the evenings hanging out in the cabin, playing cards and whiling the night away.

Pretty... isn't it?

Our beautiful cabin...

New York (West New York)
When it was time for another family trip to New York, we turned to AirBnB once more. This time we found a place in West New York across the Hudson river. What really sold us was the view that we would be seeing every day... the Manhattan skyline across the river. It was an absolutely gorgeous view and we actually forward to the short bus ride to the city each day because of the view. Though we felt that the apartment could be better, it was adequate for our short stay and we enjoyed hanging out in the cozy living room. Of course every stay comes with different experinces and it is always a treat to stay in someone's home and feel part of their world.

All the posing outside our apartment

Manhattan skyline... view from the bus

Niagara Falls
Our most recent experience with AirBnB was during our trip to the Niagara falls. As I said, every stay has been unique for us. This time, it was just my husband and I so we decided to stay in a shared apartment instead of booking a complete apartment. We were a little worried about who we would be staying with but decided to go for it! We reached our apartment which had the shared areas (like kitchen and living room) on the ground floor and individual bedrooms on the first floor. The bedrooms were themed and had cute names like 'The Blue Room', 'The Yellow Room' etc. The apartment was neat enough and it was an unique experience because we got to meet and chat with other travelers from different countries. There was a lady from Singapore who was traveling across the United States... she told us stories about her travels and how she was enjoying the different cities. There was a Middle Eastern couple who offered us some delicious tea. Even though it was just a two-day trip, we enjoyed interacting with strangers because often when we travel, we get wrapped up in ourselves when one of the great joys of traveling is meeting new people.

A collage of our apartment!

So that wraps up our experience with AirBnB so far and I definitely look forward to the next time we can stay in a stranger's home. It is a lot more fun than staying in cookie-cutter hotels, getting a feel of the local flavor, making breakfast in different kitchens and most importantly... being more than just tourists! The next time you are planning a trip, be sure to check out AirBnB... you will not be disappointed!

Home away from home... Stamford tales!

Around ten months ago, I moved to the city of Stamford in Connecticut to start a new job. Excited as I was about the job, it also meant leaving my husband behind in Florida and the house that we had made our home for over a year. Moving is always difficult but when you are forced to leave family behind, it becomes a real struggle. Coupled with the thought of chilly winters, not being able to drive and sharing an apartment with strangers... I was completely overwhelmed by this move.

Now, after all these months, I have moved back to Florida and to my husband but Stamford has become a wonderful memory that I would cherish forever. From thinking that I couldn't get out fast enough to actually feeling teary-eyed during my ride to the airport, these few months have made me a better person with amazing people and experiences. Sitting in my home in Florida today, I reminiscence about these past few months and all that it brought with it.

The place: Stamford is a completely different city from Palm Beach Gardens, from the streets to the buildings, from the trees to the weather. Gone were the palm tress, clear blue skies and the wide roads... when I entered Stamford, I was greeted by winding roads, trees covered by snow and cold that permeated to my bones. At first sight, it all felt dreary. But I soon discovered that Stamford was filled with things to do. I learnt to take long walks... I would walk to the train station, walk to get groceries from Target, walk around downtown shopping and eating. I learnt the bus routes and I thank my lucky stars that Stamford has an excellent transport system. Of course it helped that our apartment was in the heart of downtown! All thorough the weekend, we would hear late-night revelers enjoying on the streets. It was filled with hustle-bustle and I loved it. Everything that I needed was a five or ten minute walk away. I also loved the pretty little houses with flowery gardens in spring and golden hued trees in autumn. Taking train rides through picturesque New England was another experience I enjoyed a lot. The cherry on the cake? New York city is only an hour away by train and seeing as it is probably my favorite city, that was the biggest selling point for me!

Autumn in Stamford...

Stamford Spring...

Old friends: When I was told about the opportunity to move to Stamford, I was desperately looking for any acquaintance who might be in nearby areas. Little did I know that one of my oldest and best friends was just a few hours away in the same state!  Once we discovered the train route connecting us (and only a three hour journey), there was nothing better than meeting up whenever we wanted, spending weekends together and going on memorable trips. I think one of the best things about moving to Stamford was having my oldest friend so near to me. From school buddies to college room-mates to Infosys colleagues (this one did come around a full circle) to staying in the same state in a foreign country... we have come a long way. And even though we are back to staying in different states, we do tend to end up in the same places! Keya, this one is dedicated to all our years together...

Besties...

One last party!

And new friends: This one was tricky and a real stroke of luck! I almost did not move into that apartment, someone else almost came to stay, we almost ended up just as room-mates and not as friends. But the stars were aligned and lady luck was on my side. I met some people who quickly became very close to me. We went out together, had some very fun Friday nights, cooked some tasty dishes and even managed a very memorable trip to Niagara together! Finding room-mates who are tolerable is difficult enough, finding ones who become friends is more than you can hope for. I consider myself lucky that I met these girls who helped make my time away from my husband easier and also made it pretty special. I'll always cherish the long walks and talks with Deepali, the fun and partying with Dimple and teasing Brindha (and not to forget the delicious food she made!).

Boating in New York

Diwali party!

Toastmasters: I believe that one should always try to learn new things, conquer new territories and reinvent oneself. This was my motivation behind wanting to join Toastmasters, the international organization for public speaking and leadership skills. As soon as I settled down in Stamford, I searched for the nearest Toastmasters club and joined it.  To say that Greater Stamford Toastmasters had a positive impact on my life would be an understatement! This club gave me the encouragement I needed to be a good public speaker, the opportunity to show leadership skills and most of all, the chance to meet some very talented and extremely friendly people. Every Tuesday, I looked forward to 7 pm when I would forget everything else and just have a great time.

Small achievements...!

Humorous contest!

A new hobby: Sometimes situations just motivate us to try something new. I had never been into fitness and exercise and would probably have continued that way. But Stamford, in a weird way, motivated me to get off the couch and get out on the road. Every day I would watch people running on the sidewalks and one day I decided to try it for myself. Initially it started out as walks through Stamford downtown in an attempt to explore the city. This turned into evening jogs after work when I would explore new streets every day. I realized that I really enjoyed running but summer evenings were hot and I wasn't being able to do it for a long time. So, I switched to early mornings and suddenly I was waking up early to go running in a school running field. People who know me, know the kind of attachment I have to my bed in the morning. To leave it for exercising is something that surprised even me! But there you have it, when you really enjoy something, you will make time for it. And of course, before leaving Stamford, I managed to participate in a 5k run which was something I really wanted to do.

My running track...

After running 5k...

In a nutshell, my time in Stamford helped me grow as a person because it was the first time I was completely on my own. And instead of letting that overwhelm me, I actually had great experiences, met new people and learned new things. Today I miss all these but I'm sure this personal growth will help me in my life ahead!

Gamble of life... (poem)

Roll the dice... Spin the wheel...
Fortunes are waiting to be won...
Will you strike it large enough...
Or will you just be done...?
The risks we take for love and life...
That decides if we live or die...
If we know that the house always wins
Then why do we even try?
If love's not a gamble, then tell me what is...
Are you ready to risk it all?
If you're lucky, you rise in love...
Then why do they call it 'fall'?
And if you're calculating the risk...
Not ready to bet your heart...
Then is it really love you want...
Or just an insignificant part?
But some of us go marching in...
And lay out our cards for all...
Only fools rush in they say...
And that's how the chips fall...
And if you think you can quit the game...
While you're ahead, oh you're wrong...
'Coz every time you win, you forget the stakes....
Even if you think you're strong...
And that's how you go on playing...
Hoping to make it big some day...
And when you finally win...
"You're so lucky!"... they'll all say...
But they don't know what you've lost....
And the chances that cost you so much...
They don't count the time you gave...
Your victories they will watch...
And you may win or you may lose...
Coz' life is a gamble my friend...
All it matters that you never gave up...
And stayed at the table till the end...

The Great Indian Wedding!

Today you will be treated to a unique insight into the part of the wedding that I find the most interesting... the wedding guests. Indian weddings tend to be grand affairs, the bigger the better (that goes for everything)! Which means people like me get a lot of opportunity to observe guests with their little eccentricities and tell you stories about them. So here goes…

The first in my list are The Inappropriate Uncles: Alcohol is not served at most Indian weddings and with good reason but some of the older uncles still manage to sneak in drinks which they hide in a room. No one is allowed in that room, as kids we were told that "grown-ups are doing important work there". Yeah, I bet. So that usually ends up with drunk people saying inappropriate things. There was this guy once at a wedding who after a few drinks, came up to another man and described in vivid detail a very hot lady who was standing across the room. After he was done, the man turned to him and said... "I hear you bro, that's my wife".

While the drinkers may get into trouble, this next group never does. They are:

The Eaters: There are a lot of people who come to weddings just to eat. I have friends who attended the wrong wedding because they went straight to the buffet! They sometimes skip lunch to make sure they do not have to turn away the second helping of dessert. That would be a regret you would carry to your grave. Now I know in church marriages, you have the service which everyone attends and then you have the reception. In Indian weddings, you can literally start eating as soon as you enter and getting a seat at the banquet hall is like playing a game of thrones. “All men must die”. And of course, no one watches the actual ceremony... the usual way of doing things is to come late, hand over the gift, click a few selfies and head straight for the food. The only people who are forced to watch are the bride and groom... and the wedding photographer because he is being paid to.

But the group to watch out for are:

The Wedding Mafia: This is the group of ladies that you need to avoid at all costs... If they catch you, they are going to fix your marriage to their neighbor's second sister's nephew's cousin's brother or somebody equally ridiculous. About 50% of arranged marriages in India are fixed at someone else's wedding... A number I just made up to sound impressive. Seriously though, at my elder sister's wedding, I lost count of the number of the number of people who told me "You're next!" *wink wink* I honestly debated whispering the same thing to them at funerals. Anyway, these ladies may look completely harmless in their sarees and their neat hairdos but don't be fooled... They have the power to force even Leonardo DiCaprio to get married... and to a woman of their choice!

This next guest still haunts my dreams:

The Weird Kid: Call me crazy but I have noticed that in every Indian wedding, there will always be this one weird kid in all the wedding photos... right in the middle of the bride and groom. That kid is not impressed by your arrangements, often you don't have a clue who the kid belongs to (which was bound to happen since you don’t know most of the guests) but after that day, you will never forget that kid because he is right there... in the middle of all your photos. And he might as well have held up his middle finger because that my friends, is exactly what he has done to you.

The Over-Enthusiastic Priest: The priest is technically not a guest but he is definitely the person most excited to be at the wedding. During our wedding, the rituals took place at 2 in the morning and our priest was the only person who was remarkably upbeat. He was kind of like a kid who had a sugar rush… only he had a lot to say which we were supposed to listen to.

I don't remember most of what he said but this one gem stands out. It turns out "My husband cannot buy a cow without my permission". Well, permission granted... go buy a cow, eat it for all I care. Wow, I can literally hear religious people fainting all over India. Relax guys, the cow is fine – see that’s why I do not give permission to buy a cow!

So, there you go... Now you are ready to attend your first Indian wedding and in case you're wondering which kind of guest you should be... Be an eater, always be an eater... Oh who am I kidding, most of you are going to be the token “foreigner” who completely stands out and who would be asked to repeat Hindi words while the rest of us go 'Awww'.... Well, you can thank me later for the heads up!

Thanks!

A tale of Courage...

I could never have done many things in my life without being inspired by all of you and by the people around me. Inspiration is what motivates us to push ourselves beyond our comfort zone towards greater things. That is why today, I will tell you the story of a man who has been the biggest inspiration in my life.

This young man was born in a village in Bangladesh.... Well at the time of his birth, it was a part of the Bengal province in India. After the partition of India and the death of Mahatma Gandhi, he was forced to flee his home, leave everything he had behind and come to West Bengal in India to avoid communal riots and police harassment. Living in abject poverty in the city of Calcutta, he still managed to complete his education and started working as a freelance journalist. A lot of struggles followed – both professional and personal but he persevered. By the time I knew him, he was the editor of the largest Bengali newspaper and had established himself as an eminent writer with more than thirty published books. On the personal front, he had a family who loved and admired him. 

I know what you are thinking, it’s a nice story but what has it got to do with us? Well, this young man was my grandfather or “Dadu” as we say in Bengali and he has managed to inspire me in almost every sphere of life. I really tried to condense this down to one learning but then I thought, maybe there is something in each aspect of his life that will inspire some of you.

Courage in adversity: Imagine having to leave behind your home, people you grew up with and everything you have, because you and your family would probably die if you didn’t leave. It takes a lot of courage and perseverance to start from scratch and still achieve your dreams. Dadu started out as a tutor to young kids while he struggled to complete his higher education. For years afterwards he worked as a freelance journalist before finally tasting success. In his personal life too, he faced the immense challenge of losing his only son at a very young age. I never heard him discuss the incident but he honored his son's memory by setting up a charitable foundation to provide monetary support to children who needed it - here he is at a foundation event. Taking life’s challenges and dealing with them is something that he has inspired me to try and do in my life. 

Love conquers all: At a time when love marriages were unheard of (it’s still frowned upon in our country) my grandfather fell in love and eloped with my grandma. They were teenagers, he had no money, she belonged to an affluent family, her family was out to get him, he told us how he had to bring her to an apartment which he shared with his friends... the odds were heavily stacked against them and yet, they spent the rest of their lives together. He wouldn’t have managed to be successful without her support and he made sure everyone knew it. They passed away within five months of each other and I always felt that they never really learned to live without one another. Now that’s the kind of everlasting love that I aspire to have. And here my husband does not even let me change TV channels.

Do what you love: In India, parents see their newborn baby and the first thing they say is “He is going to be an engineer” or “she is going to be a doctor”. And their fate is sealed. But my grandfather believed that you should do what you love and love what you do. He spent his life writing which he loved. He inspired my younger sister to give up science subjects in high school and pursue her love
for literature. Everyone told her not to, they told her “it’s a bad decision and you’re giving up lucrative careers” but she stuck to her guns and said “I want to be a writer like Dadu”. She is
doing very well now and she sucked at Math so it was a great decision all around. More importantly, he inspired her to recognize her strengths and weaknesses and make the right choice.

Read and read more: Every gift that Dadu has given us has been books. Since the time we learned to read, he has never gifted us anything else. He also did not believe in censoring books because he said... “Only when you read everything, that’s when you’ll be able to decide what you like to read”. Once on my thirteenth birthday, he gifted me a couple of Mills and Boon romances. For those of you who don’t know, this is how a typical MB cover looks like. My dad was too embarrassed to even take them away so I went through a phase when I only read these. Thanks Dadu. He was an avid reader himself and slowly built up his personal library. He collected and read a lot of rare, sometimes banned books and reading is something that he has definitely inspired me to do. 

Be curious: My grandfather had a childlike curiosity about everything. Every day he would spend about two hours with his newspapers... reading them cover to cover. In the evening, he would catch hold of us and ask us questions – if we answered correctly he would give us one rupee. I used to be terrified because I could never remember what I read. I used to see my friends go to their grandfathers for love and chocolates and I would say... “What’s his deal? Why is he torturing us?” But I realized later that he was teaching us to be curious about everything. He would watch television with us and tell us tidbits of gossip, we could have political debates one moment and then discuss our crushes the next, he was totally up to date with everything . I try to be curious and eager to learn all the time so if I seem over-enthusiastic at times, you now know whom to blame.

So these were a few of the things that my grandfather has taught me in life. He was not perfect in any way but he took the struggles life handed out and turned them into successes. I miss him, I miss the little things he taught us... making up poems while out on evening walks, laughing at ourselves and always giving our best. He continues to inspire us and I hope he was able to inspire a few of you, he would have loved that!