The tales of long distance relationships...

Yesterday, my flatmates and I were discussing the effects long distance has on relationships. In a world where normal relationships are difficult enough to sustain, throw the troubles of long distance into the mix and you have to ask yourself... is the relationship worth it? Having been in different long distance relationships over the years... only one of which worked out (thankfully), I often end up giving advice on this subject whether to my friends or to strangers on Quora.
So really, what is a long distance relationship worth? What are the two sides of it? What are the chances of it working out?

As usual, lets start with the NEGATIVES first (just because I want to leave something good at the end)

• Lack of trust: Trust is the most important thing which is the basis of any healthy relationship but certainly plays an even bigger role when distance threatens that trust. In a long distance relationship there is no way you can know what the other person is up to all the time (nor is it the healthy thing to do). Trust that the other person is not cheating/ lying and don't do it yourself.
  If you are trying this with the wrong person (or the wrong circumstances), somewhere the trust will be broken and you will know that it is not worth it anymore.
• Lack of communication: A long distance relationship requires a lot of patience, understanding and communication which sadly a lot of people don't have. Even if you are on different sides of the world, there are so many ways to communicate. Make sure you do it on a regular basis. Don't do it just for the sake of it, do it because you are genuinely interested. Also, there will be days when one of you is just too busy... Take out a few moments to talk...
  Communication is a great indicator of whether the person is worth all the time and trouble. If all the messages/calls are from your end only, it is time to rethink the relationship.
• Missing the physical presence: When my boyfriend moved to US, I felt that the life had gone out of the city where we spent many years together. Everywhere I went reminded my of little things we had done together... catching a movie, eating out at our favorite restaurant... There will be times when you just need the presence of the person in front of you... to hold, to touch... but he could be miles away and there is nothing much you can do about it.
  P.S. This does not mean touching someone else. I know many of us blame distance for our indiscretions but maybe its an indication of changing needs.
• Lost in translation: One of the most difficult things in a long distance is managing during fights and arguments. Imagine being on opposite sides of the world. When one of you is waking up, the other is about to go to bed. Now imagine an argument during that time... when you want to finish the argument before going to bed and your partner wants to avoid it because his/her day is just starting and no one wants to fight at the beginning of the day. All these things lead to the buildup of tension and leads to the argument becoming worse than it actually was.
  Don't let the argument become bigger than the relationship... resolve it before it blows out of proportion. 
• Out of sight... Out of mind: There is a saying "out of sight... out of mind" (by some genius) and unfortunately it does come true in lot of cases. I have come across so many stories where people have moved apart because the distance just became too much to handle. Many times, people get closer to someone who is in the near vicinity simply because it is more convenient. These are not excuses, but a harsh reality. Since their partner is far away and it seems that they are missing out on important moments of life, people find someone else who is closer and seems to be there to spend time with.
  I know from experience that long distance relationships might start to seem like a waste of time but with the right person, all the waiting and the hours of talking on the phone will be worth it.
  
  

And now finally, we come to the POSITIVES of a long distance relationship (yes there are some good sides of it)

• A worthy relationship: A long distance relationship will prove to you whether it is worth your time and effort. It will survive the distance and time and emerge stronger than ever. It is easy to be committed to a person who is in front of  you and ready to spend time to you whenever you want but it is whole another experience to keep that love and commitment intact when all you get is a Skype call before one of you has to go to sleep.
  What I have learnt is that if your relationship can survive long distance, it can survive a lot! 
• Listen and not just hear: You learn to listen and understand each other better when you don't have the advantage of seeing the person face-to-face. A lot of times we are so involved in the activity we are doing together, we don't really listen to each other. But when all the other distractions are gone and all you have are words to bridge that distance, those words become more meaningful than ever. You learn to pay attention to what the other person is saying because it forms a big part of how you can experience each others worlds without being in front of each other.
• Absence makes the heart grow fonder: You start to remember the good times rather than the bad. As human beings, we always try to remember good memories instead of bad ones. When you are away from a person, you'll recall their good qualities and the great times you spent together. You'll miss them and want to be with them. This is a very good thing... use the opportunity to remind your partner how much they are being missed. It will remind them of the good memories and keep the romance alive. If possible, plan trips to see each other and refuel the relationship.
• Grow as a person: When two people are always physically together, they might not have time for themselves as individuals. Instead of seeing the long distance as a negative, see it as an opportunity to spend on yourself and your hobbies and interests. Spend it on allowing yourself to grow and mature as a person. Often we get so lost in another person, we forget our individuality because we are too busy being a couple. Instead of that, spend time with your friends, get a new talent and the next time you meet your partner... you can show it off! Growing as a person you will also deal with your relationship and it will give you more insight on whether the relationship is real.
• Finally, the meeting: I'll leave the best for the last.. when you meet after time apart, its the best feeling in the world! Seriously, after months (sometimes years) of only talking over phone/ internet it is an incredible feeling to meet the person you love. The very moment you see him coming out of the airport gates and its all you can do to stop yourself from running into his arms... nothing can beat that feeling. And knowing that your love has survived a lot, that just makes everything more special.

Its difficult to be in a long distance relationship and I would not advise it if you have other options but sometimes life does not give you a choice. So if you are faced with the distance, don't let the situation overwhelm you. Let it be a test which might just make your relationship stronger than it is. And believe that one day... not too far away... the person you love will be in your arms!

I can so relate to this!