Today I saw a saying as I was scrolling through Facebook in the morning. I usually ignore ultra-motivational lines... yes they are nice to hear but sarcasm/cynicism works better on me. This one was not - strictly speaking - a saying, it was more of an observation. It said.. "A man's money will never excite an independent woman". I can imagine this line being highly controversial in the Indian society where a lot of people still believe... a man is there to earn and a woman is there to look after the house.
Money is always a sensitive topic, especially in a country like India. Marriages are sometimes solely based on financial situation of the groom and how well he would be able to support his wife and her many longings. I have heard girls, even apparently well-educated ones, declare that they would choose husbands on the basis of his salary. After men choosing brides based on their looks, this is the next menace. Imagine a marriage which is based on a woman's looks and a man's money... what happens when looks fade or you realize that money does not equal happiness? I suppose a lot of people out there would tell me, that is how it has been working for ages so we don't need your opinions, thank you very much! Well, by now you might have guessed that a change in how things have been working (or not working) is exactly what I'm hoping for. Does that mean I believe that people who look for financial security while choosing a partner are shallow? Absolutely not! What I do hope is that more girls would be so financially secure themselves that they would not need to compromise on their other needs while deciding on a partner.
Since the time I contemplated marriage, I never imagined looking for a husband who earns the most, declining prospective candidates based on their salary or feeling excited that I might be married to a really rich guy. What I imagined was love, companionship, both of us contributing to finances and household work, struggling together and sharing successes and failures in life... I suppose I always took it for granted that I would also be having a career that I have worked for and a home that I would be happy to run. Was I asking for too much? Even after fighting and sacrificing a lot so that I can continue to work (in US), people still judge me because I chose career over staying in the same city with my husband. Yes, that is a sacrifice we both have made and yes, there are a lot of struggles. But I would choose that struggle over a life where I don't have my independence (and I know a lot of people equate independence with arrogance and selfishness but well... those people are morons).
I guess what I am trying to say is that there needs to be change in our mindset. There needs to be a scenario where a prospective in-law does not say to a girl... "You don't need to work, our son is earning enough, you can just relax at home" or "sorry, we don't allow girls in our family to work". There needs to be a change in mindset where a girl working and being independent is not an exception, but a rule. Just to reiterate, being independent does not mean partying and leading a wild life, it means that you have the capacity to take care of yourself and your family and being financially stable is a big part of that. So please, first educate your daughters and make them self-reliant... then you wouldn't need to look for a rich groom (or any groom) for her.
Money is always a sensitive topic, especially in a country like India. Marriages are sometimes solely based on financial situation of the groom and how well he would be able to support his wife and her many longings. I have heard girls, even apparently well-educated ones, declare that they would choose husbands on the basis of his salary. After men choosing brides based on their looks, this is the next menace. Imagine a marriage which is based on a woman's looks and a man's money... what happens when looks fade or you realize that money does not equal happiness? I suppose a lot of people out there would tell me, that is how it has been working for ages so we don't need your opinions, thank you very much! Well, by now you might have guessed that a change in how things have been working (or not working) is exactly what I'm hoping for. Does that mean I believe that people who look for financial security while choosing a partner are shallow? Absolutely not! What I do hope is that more girls would be so financially secure themselves that they would not need to compromise on their other needs while deciding on a partner.
Since the time I contemplated marriage, I never imagined looking for a husband who earns the most, declining prospective candidates based on their salary or feeling excited that I might be married to a really rich guy. What I imagined was love, companionship, both of us contributing to finances and household work, struggling together and sharing successes and failures in life... I suppose I always took it for granted that I would also be having a career that I have worked for and a home that I would be happy to run. Was I asking for too much? Even after fighting and sacrificing a lot so that I can continue to work (in US), people still judge me because I chose career over staying in the same city with my husband. Yes, that is a sacrifice we both have made and yes, there are a lot of struggles. But I would choose that struggle over a life where I don't have my independence (and I know a lot of people equate independence with arrogance and selfishness but well... those people are morons).
I guess what I am trying to say is that there needs to be change in our mindset. There needs to be a scenario where a prospective in-law does not say to a girl... "You don't need to work, our son is earning enough, you can just relax at home" or "sorry, we don't allow girls in our family to work". There needs to be a change in mindset where a girl working and being independent is not an exception, but a rule. Just to reiterate, being independent does not mean partying and leading a wild life, it means that you have the capacity to take care of yourself and your family and being financially stable is a big part of that. So please, first educate your daughters and make them self-reliant... then you wouldn't need to look for a rich groom (or any groom) for her.
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