The Importance of Celebrations!

Why should we celebrate? Be it birthdays or graduations, religious festivals, marriages… it is important that we celebrate these days with family, close friends, people who would understand the value of the occasion and share it with us. Even if it is not a significant occasion… Celebrate it! In fact I would advocate celebrating even insignificant, silly moments like the time when the person you had a crush on smiled at you in the elevator or the fact that you managed to catch the bus on time… or that Game of Thrones Season 6 is back this weekend (yes, that one’s a biggie). Whatever your reason may be… enjoy that moment of happiness, share it with someone you love. Heck… share it with a stranger!

Why? Life is unpredictable and great at reminding you about the things you didn’t do. While we get caught up in everyday struggles, while we wait impatiently for a big event to occur, while we worry and fret that things are not working out… all the little moments that we could have been celebrating slip by us. Just imagine going home after a long day at work and sitting down to dinner with your family… if you are lucky enough to do that, you have a reason to celebrate because not everyone can do it (I can’t coz my family is miles away). We waste time worrying about that long day at office when we could be cooking a special meal and just enjoying that meal with our family. Believe me, you’ll soon see that there is no place or time needed to celebrate life. It’s there, happening as we speak.

We all look forward to certain events in the year… I do too! When I get the New Year calendar, the first thing I do is mark all the occasions… the birthdays, the anniversaries and so on… The other thing I do is check the dates for the Indian festivals… Since our festivals follow a different calendar, the corresponding dates on the English calendar changes each year.

Out of the many festivals that we Indians love to celebrate, my favorite is Durga Puja which is the 5-day worship of Goddess Durga in autumn. Without going into too much history, let me tell you why it is celebrated. Durga Puja festival marks the victory of Goddess Durga over the evil buffalo demon who wreaked havoc on the entire world and who could not be defeated by any God or man. The festival marks the victory of good over evil. In the eastern part of India, where I come from, this festival is celebrated on a huge scale with thousands of people flocking to the areas of worship.

Every year, no matter where I am, I try to go back to my hometown and be with my family during this time of the year. It’s not an easy feat I tell you… ticket prices are sky-high, leaves are not approved, managers decide that it would be the perfect way to torture you (no offence to managers here)… but in spite of all the roadblocks… we try to make it home during these five days. When we were in college, we would often have to jump on an overnight train without any reservation, spend the night sharing a single berth with three other friends just to make it home in time for the festival. We didn’t do it because we were particularly religious, we just knew that… that was one time in the entire year when everyone would be home no matter where they were, we would all keep aside other worries and celebrate these five days with friends and family.

It may sound like a cliché, but life really is too short to miss out on any opportunity to celebrate. Sometimes it requires a little more effort, maybe a little time out of our schedules… but it is worth it.

Journey song (a poem)

So let's start our journey...
On open roads... With an open heart...
And forget our destination...
Throw away the maps... Its a new start...

Take a wrong turn... And end up somewhere lost...
Stop and look at the flowers by the bend...
Listen to the forgotten bird singing alone...
Forget where the road was supposed to end... 

Watch the golden sunset and touch the cold river...

Don't worry that you've lost your way...
The skies have forgotten your laughter...
Let them hear you laugh today...

You've played by all the rules and plans...
But never seen your destiny in the stars undone...
See how they sparkle with promises made...
And wake up kissed by the morning sun...

But most of all love... 

Love like you've never been hurt...

Love like that's all you're capable of...
Love like it's your last day on earth...

Tomorrow you may go back to your world...
Where duties devour you eagerly each day...
So pack your bags and open your heart...
Let's get a little lost today...

P.S. I wrote this on the bus when we were travelling to see the Grand Canyon... it was a long road and gave me a lot of time to think. I was going through some worrying times (when is it not!) and it helped me gain a little perspective... 

The importance of girls' trips...

This one is for every girl out there... No matter where you are, every once in a while you should go for an all-girls trip! It is always fun to go somewhere with your family or with your partner, but there is something liberating about being on a trip with girls. Sharing rooms, sharing makeup and clothes, sharing gossip... there is a lot that happens when girls travel together. Last weekend I went on an all-girls trip to Washington DC... after more than a year... and it reminded me of why it is important to go on such trips once in a while.

This brings me to one of the coolest all-girls trip that I ever went on... a long-awaited trip to the awesome beaches of Goa! We had been planning the trip for years and it never seemed to work out until the time we just went ahead and booked our tickets... and threw caution to the winds. At the time the four of us were staying in four different cities which made the meeting up all the more exciting. But the best thing about that trip was that we had been at a low point in our individual lives and in those four days, we left all our worries and negativity somewhere far behind. There is something freeing about the sea and the waves... it makes you want to let go. And that's exactly what we did. We let go of our phone addiction, social networks, the need to always be "online" and gave in to the simple joys of life like walking on the beach, watching the sun set, frolicking among the waves, lying in shacks and eating great food... Of course it was a perfect vacation to have those long conversations without agendas, silences that did not need to be filled by words, just watching the sea as it constantly ebbed and flowed... Then there was all the craziness... the first night of thinking maybe an all-girls trip wasn't the safest of ideas, then starting the next day with renewed energy and reminding ourselves why it was the best idea ever, being tourists during the scorching day and then those beautiful evenings languidly stretching into the wee hours of the morning... The best journey is one which you wish doesn't end and that is what this trip was...

We were enjoying so much, we didn't even take a proper photo together!

So yes, once in a while, grab your besties and set off on an amazing journey. A journey where you can be free because you are with people you can be yourself with. A journey which will be significant to all of you. Leave behind your busy lives and be in the moment. Have those long talks which otherwise are confined to Watsapp and rare phone calls. I guarantee you that it would be experience that you would cherish forever. 

Goals and failures... and looking ahead...

Sometimes I think about goals...And how to achieve them. I am the kind of person who prefers to have short-term goals rather than long-term ones... I admire people who have the ability to clearly visualize what they want in life but I am not one of those people. If I am asked what I want to do in life... I am always thrown for a loop. I suppose what I want is to have a happy and fulfilling life but that just sounds so random. There is no guarantee that life will be happy... and of course there would be times when life would be a disaster so that goal just sounds fake and implausible. As for fulfilling... I guess that makes sense for people who have figured out exactly what makes them tick. As for me... here I am standing on the edge of 30 and I'm not certain what would make my life fulfilling.

Its strange because as a kid if somebody asked what I wanted to do in life... my instant response would be "I want to be a teacher". Of course the "teacher" would be interchangeable with many other professions depending on my current obsession. I guess that is what led to all the confusion and I ended up doing exactly what the majority of students in  India do... engineering. It helped that I was very interested in Computer Science and also that I am a master of short-term goals (a little exaggeration never hurts!). At that time my goal was to do well in class and I succeeded in it. But when it came to a long term vision for my life, I was still undecided. When companies came to interview at our college placement, my immediate goal was to get a job. I followed the flock to an IT company and again, concentrated on short term tasks without a clue about where I was going with this. When my work became monotonous, I again set myself the goal of getting a new job. It was tough but I managed to do it, concentrating on immediate gains and not what would be a defined life goal. Life continued until I quit that job and was faced with an uncertain future. For the first time, I had to decide whether I wanted to continue my career or take a break. Well... the word "decide" is open to debate... I left it to fate and hoped for the best! Finally, I started working again... and even though my goals are still very short-term, I am beginning to get a clearer idea of what I would want to do some years down the line. Maybe that short break, scary as it was, opened me up to other options apart from the one I had always pursued. Maybe I am finally growing up?

Relationship goals are even tougher to pursue. I love easily and frequently and it has led me down the road to heartbreak many times in the past. Not just in romantic relationships, I have had the same experience in all my relationships. Of course, I have also hit the jackpot many times! Since I am reflecting on goals, I don't know what personal goals are set by people who seem to have amazing relationships in their life. As a fairly introverted person, I find it difficult to express feelings even if they are present in me. Somewhere that inability to express gets misconstrued as aloofness, rudeness and leads to misunderstandings. I doubt if my goal has ever been to hurt people intentionally but because I often miss the bigger picture, I'm sure it has happened a few times. But the thing I can say with absolute certainty is this - if I have been faced with a choice between relationships and anything else, I have always chosen relationships. Sometimes with disastrous results, sometimes as a blessing in disguise. In the process of acknowledging my failure at setting long-term personal goals, I am striving to identify things I have been doing wrong, actions that could be misunderstood. Growing up makes us more open to criticism and being able to look at mistakes without romanticizing them.

Of course, I will still continue to set my short-term goals and work towards fulfilling them but the one thing I would do differently is keep my mind open for what I want in the long run. It may or may not be a successful exercise, but that is something we'll just have to wait and see!

'Holi' Spirit... Festival Tales!

Last weekend I went for a Holi festival in Massachusetts with my friends. Yes, I traveled to a different state just so I could play with colors and celebrate with people I just met! Why you ask? Because it had been five years since I last celebrated Holi. Because it is one of my favorite festivals and one which I look forward to every year (it would be second on my list after Durga Puja). Because I love the colors, the music, the feeling of letting go (and no, I'm not referring to the Bhaang high) - it just seems like such a happy celebration to me.

Before telling you about my trip, here is a little background about the festival of Holi also known as the Festival of Colors. Holi derives its name from Holika, the evil sister of the demon king Hiranyakashipu. The legend goes that Hiranyakashipu wanted to kill his own son Prahlada for refusing to worship him and instead choosing to worship Lord Vishnu. After failing in his attempts, Holika tricked Prahlada to sit with her on a pyre while she wore a cloak which made her immune to the fire. But as fate would have it, the cloak flew off and Holika was burned while Prahlada survived thus celebrating the victory of good over evil. The traditional Holi festival is a two-day festival with a bonfire signifying the burning of Holika on the first day and the playing with colors on the second. In the original festival, people applied the ashes of the pyre to their foreheads which was gradually replaced by colors (thankfully)!

Back to my awesome Holiday... it was an event organized by an Indian restaurant which included a covered area to play in, some colors, loud Bollywood music and a scrumptious Indian buffet. I took a train down from Stamford to Keya's house in Groton on Friday evening. I was a bit apprehensive because it was supposed to be a large group of people whom I was meeting for the first time (and mostly because I'm not good at making new friends). But as soon as I met Keya's room-mates, I knew it would be a great trip. They were extremely friendly and hospitable to me and I was soon feeling relaxed and buoyed up for the event next morning. We spent the rest of the evening cooking chicken and chatting... till it was time to rest for tomorrow would be a long day!

The next morning we woke early and started to get ready to start for Framingham. There are a few to-dos for celebrating Holi. Here they are in no particular order:

• You should wear your oldest and brightest clothes. When we were kids, we would wear dresses that were one wash away from being thrown out. Its only in movies that actors wear pristine white clothes and then mess them up beautifully... that's just for artistic effect.
• For ladies, it is advisable to tie up your hair to minimize damage. Again, don't be inspired by the heroine with her swinging tresses... She has a personal hairdresser, you don't.
• Its not cool to throw color at the eyes. For a person wearing contacts for years, its always a challenge to escape the over-enthusiastic revelers.
• "Bura na mano Holi hai" literally means that anything goes and you're not allowed to be a complaining sissy about it. Holi is not for the faint of heart.

Anyways, it was a two hour drive with beautiful sunny weather (being inside the car gave us respite from the chilly wind). We reached the event location and soon spotted many Indians gathered (most already covered with color) near a white tent with music blaring... real Bollywood music after ages. After waiting for the whole group to assemble, we were finally inside! Once inside, I soon forgot that I was with new friends and was soon dancing madly to the dance numbers being belted out. That's what Holi does to you! Almost instantly everyone was unrecognizable, all inhibitions were out of the window and the air was thick with colorful powder. It was raining colors and I was happy to be under it! I honestly don't know how long we danced but we suddenly found ourselves starving and wandering towards the laden buffet table. I guess all the dancing made us hungry and soon we were happily gorging on Indian dishes... chicken butter masala, chicken tikka, paneer... and not to mention gulab jamuns!

Holi selfie!

After a round of eating, it was back to having fun with colors and music. Slowly the party started winding down and finally it was time to go back. Thankfully we had thought of bringing plastic sheets to cover the car seat and covered with colors, we started our journey back. It had been an awesome fun-filled day and it was time for long baths and washing off colors... but nothing would wash away the memories of a raucous, happy day of celebrating a festival miles away from home. Till the next time... Happy Holi!!

A happy color-covered group

Icebreaker... Reflections on myself...

I joined the Toastmasters Club in my vicinity a couple of weeks back. I found it to be a really encouraging group of individuals who support you in your journey of being a better public speaker and making new friends in the process. Yesterday, I presented my first speech which is an introductory speech to help the members get to know you better. Here is what I presented (though I made up few lines on the way!)...

Good evening toastmasters and guests! How many of you here know my name? (Pause for answer) How many of you know what it means? Great… For those of you who don’t know… well today is your lucky day! Today I’ll be speaking about myself and I believe to know ourselves, we have to know our past and where we come from. To do this, I’ll tell you three small stories that have in some way, defined me as a person.

My first story begins a long long long (well not that long… I'm not that old)… it begins a long time ago in India. The day I was born, a lot of relatives and well-wishers came to see me and told my mom… “Oh how unfortunate… another girl! Don’t you wish it would have been a boy this time?”… I already had an elder sister so these people thought it was their "duty" to console my mother. In the midst of all this negativity… my grandfather said… “Are you kidding me? We are so happy that it’s a girl… She’s going to bring so much joy into our lives!”… And that folks is how I was named. “Sukh” in Sanskrit means “happiness”… that elusive thing we are always in pursuit of.

The reason I chose to tell this story is because it has stayed with me and taught me some things… First, a lot of times, at least in India, I would be told that I can’t do certain things because I am a girl. But its important to remember that none of it will be true. I can be anyone and do anything I want irrespective of my gender. The second thing I learnt was the value of name… that I had been named ‘Sukh’ for a purpose to bring happiness and that is what I try to do… It also motivates me to enjoy the little moments of happiness around me which we tend to forget during our busy lives. 

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The talk of happiness brings me to my next story… of family and relationships. I come from a very close-knit family with three sisters (oh yes, girls rule) and my parents … all of them made me the person I am today. In a country which can be really conservative, we were lucky that our parents taught us that being liberal does not mean disrespecting others’ choices but rather, respecting them. Where a lot of people in India “disapprove” of love marriages and a lot of them don’t even allow it, they accepted it with all their hearts (of course that is a story for another time). Last year when I got married, my father told my father-in-law… “You’re lucky, you are getting my favorite daughter as a part of your family.” Yeah I know… parents are probably supposed to say that about their children.

But I carried it in my heart as I stepped into a new, unknown life. That is because I am not perfect by any means. I’m an introvert who finds it difficult to make new friends, who says the wrong things at the wrong place a lot of times, who doesn’t know how to drive a car, who is really scared of the dark (Wow this could take up a lot of time)! But whenever I remember my dad’s line… it makes me feel that there are people for whom I am perfect. In a world that brings me face to face with me my shortcomings every day, this one instance brings a smile on my face.

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Coming to my last story… How important is career for you? Most would say… very important because it’s the way we earn our living, it helps us accomplish our professional goals. For me, my career has always been important. I was always into Computer Science even as a kid and I got to work in the field I was interested in. Ever since I completed college, I had been working. Last year when I moved to the United States, I was a dependent on my husband’s visa so I couldn’t work but I was taking all the steps to ensure that I could start working again.

While my husband and my family supported my view, a lot of people’s reaction was… “Why would you want to work? Your husband is already earning, you could just look after the house”. Of course I didn’t listen to all that but that is what my last story is. Why is it that a woman’s career is dispensable? Why can’t she do both and not choose one over the other? That is the thought I want to end with today because it is an important part of my personality… my belief that everyone is equal and that is what we should strive towards.

Thank you! 

Women's Day special... what we really asked for....

This year, like all other years, Women's Day meant that social media was cluttered with platitudes about women almost all of which proclaimed that women were no less than "goddesses", "angels", "super humans"... Well you get the gist! Contrary to making me feel proud, it made me feel extremely uneasy. I mean, just think of the huge expectations that you have just dumped on an unsuspecting woman, something that she is now obliged to live up to whether she wants to or not! Did she ask to be hailed as an angel? Did she ask to be worshiped? Did she ask to be known as a superhero? But did you stop to ask what she wanted or needed? No, you assumed that she would be grateful to see so many messages and forwards telling her she was perfect.

If only you would have asked her what she wants. Maybe she would have said that she did not want to choose between her family and her career. Maybe she would have asked not to be called a "slut" because she chose to have sex before marriage. Or maybe she would have wanted not to be treated only as a baby-producing machine because she is much more than that. Maybe she would have told you not to assume that she was using her looks to get that promotion in office. Or that just because she chose to be a homemaker, did not mean that she was good for nothing else. Or that she wanted equal pay for equal work irrespective of her gender. Or maybe that her parents not be asked to pay huge dowries for her in the name of "tradition". Maybe she would have asked you to stop repeating cliches like "women can't drive", "only women gossip", "a woman's place is at home". Maybe asked you not to intersperse her name with expletives and abuses. Who knows, she might have asked you for the gifts of respect, equality and safety instead of those chocolates, expensive jewelry and spa treatments you offered. Yes, safety and respect... maybe she would have asked for a day where she can wear what she likes and do what she likes without you judging her, mocking her, touching her, assaulting her...

Well now that you are done with the blatant show of love and respect for this Women's Day, maybe think about what you could actually do for the women in your life. Make the effort to demonstrate respect, love and equality. And if you can't do anything, just let her be. She doesn't need you to treat her like a God... she needs you to treat her as an equal because whether you like it or not, that's what she is!

Perfectly summed up my feelings!