The legendary party girls...

Having stayed with many different girls over a span of five years in Hyderabad, I have had the honor of witnessing many many girls' night outs, parties, pub outings... you get the gist. I might not have always participated but I have always observed (its a lot of fun too!)... Though I used to have an impression that most girls cannot hold their drinks, this myth was completely shattered when I met girls who could give many guys a run for their money when it came to holding their drinks! Then there were the girls who were always up for a party... every day was TGIF for them. And then the girls who turned each drinking session into a cry-fest and then to a group therapy... So now that today is a Friday and I don't have a gang of girls to party with anymore, I decided to write this piece as a tribute to all the legendary party girls I have met and partied with over the years...

1. The "today is ladies' night" girls: These girls religiously kept track of all the local clubs/ pubs/ discotheques and the schedule of the ladies' night events in them. They arranged their partying schedules accordingly and usually got away without spending a penny! When you are a regular at the pub, you got to keep it economical. I mean what can be better than free drinks!
2. The "yeah I can have one more" girls: These girls are the true rockstars who can beat any guy with their ability to drink continuously and still keep standing (or dancing). While you are barely being able to count the number of fingers being held up, they are just sitting there coolly, ordering the next drink. The best thing about them? They are the safest drinking buddies and will always get you home (in my case safely into bed).
3. The "what am I doing with my life" girls: There will always be one girl in every group who will start crying after one or two drinks. They'll suddenly be reminded about all the travesties in their lives and then the waterworks will start! And since all the others are equally wasted, it will soon turn into a hilarious therapy session. By the way, these are also the people who will end up calling their exes.
4. The "I'm always angry" girls: I have seen the most docile girls turn into complete Hulks when they have been drinking. Expect angry texts, throwing of objects and incredibly angry monologues (complete with the choicest curse words)... woe betide if she has some hidden anger for you! If she has been drinking, you are going to hear it.
5. The "I love you" girls: This is actually a very common phenomenon among both the sexes. Drinking lowers your defenses so it makes you feel warm and loving towards people... including people you would not even talk to sober. If you are slightly less drunk than them, you can hear heartfelt apologies, deep secrets and everything that they would end up regretting the next morning. 
6. The "selfies in the bathroom" girls: These are the girls who go to clubs mostly to update their Facebook feed. And as the bathrooms are the only places without the swirling lights, they are very popular as a backdrop for those selfies. And if you have been drinking for some time, you will "appear" very hot and sexy in the mirror... Don't trust it, its just an illusion and you will know how drunk you actually look when you see the photos the next day.
7. The "today was a bad (or good) day so let's have a drink" girls: These girls can have a booze party under any pretext. It could be Sunday night or Wednesday evening, if they want it they will think of an excuse for it. And they will search with all their energy for open "thekas" even if its a dry day. Do not mention "let's wait till the weekend" to them... every day is Friday as far as they are concerned!

It is always fun to go drinking and dancing with girls or even have quiet (though its usually loud) house parties with them. So enjoy it while it lasts!

The Art of Gossiping.. shhh!

So this blog is about "Gossiping" and no... I will not be spreading any! Being a woman, I am aware that the art (or crime) of gossiping is often attributed to women and that is complete nonsense. Women gossip, so do men... In fact anyone who claims they have never spoken about another person behind their back is basically lying. As for me, I have been (and continue to be) both at the beginning and at the receiving end of gossip. Am I the most discreet person? Of course not! My friends would tell you how many secrets I have given away! But like anything, this game also has rules which when broken, leads to mayhem.

The beginning of this vicious (and entertaining) cycle of gossiping began in my school days. I studied in an all-girls school and experienced first-hand the power of gossip. From remarkable stories concocted over lunch breaks to harmless tit-bits of information shared during class... from scandalous rumors spread in whispers to mean lies made up by jealous rivals... we gossiped about everything in our lives. Girls would spend hours huddled in groups discussing whether "did she really skip school to meet her boyfriend?" or the more innocent "is she really taking tutions from that teacher? No wonder her marks are high!"... gossip could be anything!
So this brings us to the first rule of gossip... "If you are gossiping in multiple groups, make sure you are not sharing gossip from one group to the other". I have to say I flouted this rule many times but I have awesome friends (and the information was fairly minor) and did not face any serious consequence!

The next phase of my life saw me in a girls' hostel where gossiping was not only confined to classroom hours but stretched into the wee hours of the morning. Also, it had become meaner and more scandalous and the innocence was going out of it. I also realized that men were equally interested in gossip and contributed to it... they were just discreet about it where we ladies were too open! Now I am a firm believer that when you gossip about someone... be prepared that someone somewhere is gossiping about you. Over the years I had heard some pretty interesting (though untrue) stuff about myself which is only fair. But where do you draw the line?
That is the next rule... "You cannot gossip about members of your circle to others outside it". Meaning, that you should have a few friends about whom you never ever gossip because then it just gets messy. I learnt this lesson the hard way when a close friend gossiped about me to random people in the college to the extent that strangers knew detailed descriptions of my private life.

Next came the workplace. Now gossiping meant office politics and wrong rumors could mean hampering a person's career. You may think this is stretching it a bit far but then, even managers are humans who sometimes judge you solely based on what they hear about you. Office gossip can be extremely harmful and I mostly tried to stay out of it. But there were times when I succumbed to it and honestly speaking I still don't know whether it lead to any harm!
However, this leads to the third rule... "Choose who you gossip with very wisely". This is applicable in every phase of life but while rumors of your drinking habits made you popular in college, it certainly would not win you points with your boss!

So now I am in a new phase of life... the housewife phase. What I realized very soon is that ladies left to their own devices all day is a dangerous starting point of gossip. The first few months all I heard was gossip... about people I was meeting for the first time, people I had not even met, people who did not even know of my existence... phew! It was tiring and slowly I realized that all the fun I had derived out of gossiping was not there any more. This happened when I heard something derogatory about a lady (without meeting her) and believed it only to understand later that it wasn't even true.
This makes me think of the golden rule of gossip... "Not all gossip is true" and also a quote I heard "Gossip needn't be false to be evil - there's a lot of truth that shouldn't be passed around".

Of course there will still be times when I gossip but after all the experiences, I will be wiser about it. And learn to follow the rules more!

Why do people cheat in relationships?

This blog takes a look at why people feel the need to cheat when they are in relationships... purely from my perspective and observations.
Cheating is one of the many reasons why relationships fail and in today's world of innumerable options and instant gratification, it has become too common. It could be anything... sex outside the relationship, romantic involvement with a third person... anything that points to the fact that the relationship is not okay. A lot of times people who are in apparently loving relationships also feel the need to cheat. When I think about these things and observe relationships around me, I really want to know what motivates us to cheat and is it worth giving up entire relationships for this?

1. Physical Need... The most commonly given excuse for cheating is this one. A lot of people argue that they are not sexually satisfied with the person they are in a relationship with. Even though the relationship might be emotionally satisfying, they feel like having "just sex" with a third person (or persons). They justify this by saying that it is only about a physical need or that it only happened one time or that they were drunk and did not know what they were doing and that there is no emotional involvement.
   My take: It is never just about sex, especially for the person being cheated on. It can make the person lose all self worth and destroy the trust in a relationship.
2. Options, Options and Options... I feel the greatest curse of our generation is that we have been blessed with unlimited options. Which has led to the problem that most of us can't pick one option and stick to it because choosing one thing means letting go of others. This is the excuse used by people who feel that committing to one person means losing out on many other options. For them monogamy is like a life sentence and it scares them. They justify the act of cheating by saying that they are afraid of commitment.
   My take: Personally I do not have a problem if someone is not willing to be monogamous as long as he/she is clear about it. There are many people who are okay with being in open relationships which ensures that no one is getting hurt.
3. Boost self esteem... This is a reason which I have mostly heard from women. They justify their act of cheating by the argument that a third person has often made them feel more desirable and given them a sense of higher self worth than the person they were involved with. While it is easy to wave this away as an excuse, sometimes a low self-esteem does make a person indulge in morally wrong actions.
   My take: Though it may seem like a boon in the short term, cheating will never make you feel like a better person in the long run. Self worth comes from a deeper place and if your partner is making you feel worthless, maybe it is time to let go of the relationship.
4. Just avoid the stress... Some cheat just to forget and avoid the problems and the stress in their own relationships. There are a lot of people who say that they like to forget the worries and the tension in their lives by seeking fulfillment outside. It is like the proverbial pigeon who buried his head in the earth thinking if he couldn't see the cat, the cat would also not be able to see him.
   My take: Well I cannot imagine what is more stressful than cheating but that's just me! On a serious note, if your relationship is stressing you out and you can see the problems, communicating with your partner would be the right thing to do. 
5. Because they can... Some people cheat simply because they can! They usually have the opportunity and they think they can get away with it. It is a power play in their mind which makes them feel good about themselves and they have no qualms about what they are doing. Needless to say there is no excuse for these people and yes, sadly they do exist in large numbers!
   My take: Cheating in a relationship is disrespecting it and humiliating the other person involved in it. Maybe people get away with it, but it is never a sign of a healthy relationship.

In conclusion, infidelity is a harsh reality and it almost always destroys a relationship. Some accept their mistakes and mend their ways and some make it their lifestyle. Whatever the reason maybe, cheating should never be an excuse and if you feel the need to cheat, something is definitely missing or wrong in your relationship. Since the cornerstone of a healthy relationship is trust, to break that trust is probably the worst way you can treat your partner.

Driving with animals... Safari experience!!!

I love visiting zoos. Whenever I am in a new place, going to the nearby zoo is always on the priority list. My love for zoos started with going to the huge Alipore Zoo during the winter holidays in Kolkata. Alipore Zoo is the oldest zoological park in India. I understand the controversy of keeping animals in cages but well-maintained zoological parks and safaris are a great way to study animals and breed them and many of today's zoos hope to stop or slow the decline of many endangered species.

One of my favorite experiences has been visiting the Lion Park in Johannesburg, South Africa. We spent a night in the park and stayed in tents at the campsite. It was an amazing experience to see zebras and giraffes roaming free outside our tent at night and hear the terrifying roar of lions while sleeping. We got to drive through the entire park in a caged bus and saw all the animals roaming around our bus. It was an unfamiliar feeling... people in a cage while the animals examined us. Another high point of the trip was petting lion cubs... especially for someone like me who is usually scared of dogs! I also got a glimpse of lion feeding where a park worker got down among a group of hungry lions and fed them horse meat. Seeing multiple majestic lions running towards food and tearing it away is not a sight you would easily forget!

Petting lion cubs!

The most recent experience I had was visiting the Lion Country Safari in Loxahatchee, Florida. It was a drive through safari and the rains also paid a visit making sure that it was a romantic drive! The park is divided into sections modeled after various famous national parks of the world like Kalahari, Serengeti, Gir and so on and each section had animals peculiar to that park of the world. An accompanying CD described the animals as we drove through the section. It's not everyday that a rhino decides to cross in front of your car or a lion runs alongside your vehicle in the rain. I clicked away happily as the husband had the unenviable task of driving at a snail's pace.

After driving through the park, we sat in on a session of animal feeding where the trainers brought out various animals and birds and showed them off. The Macaw was the biggest hit with all its imitations and its beautiful red color.

This was a bit of my zoo experiences so far and there is a lot to come as Miami Zoo and Sea Aquariums are still on my list!

For my love of mysteries...!

I love books and I love reading all genres of books. The one genre that I have always been the most drawn to is "Detective Fiction" (a sub-genre of crime fiction and mystery fiction). There are hundreds of thrilling detective novels, many memorable detective characters and thousands of mystery plots to choose from but this is my list of detective characters and stories which have influenced me the most.

Famous Five/ Secret Seven: This is where it all began. Which young kid does not want to solve mysteries and catch the bad guys? Enid Blyton ensured that the idea of forming clubs and going on adventures was a complete childhood thrill. Though they are not detectives in the strictest sense of the word, I had to include them because they gave me the first taste of solving mysteries and how much of an adventure it could be.

Nancy Drew: An amateur American detective, Carolyn Keene's Nancy Drew was the ultimate teenage inspiration. She was smart, talented and beautiful and spent her time solving mysteries! Most of my teenage years were spent with the Nancy Drew series and her adventures seemed so sophisticated and fascinating back then.

Feluda: Being a Bengali girl, I was introduced to Feluda at a very young age. An iconic character by Satyajit Ray, Feluda is by far my favorite private investigator. I could go on about his qualities... he is intelligent, athletic, knowledgeable... but it would suffice to say that he is the complete detective. The stories are beautifully written, set in a variety of locations and the attention to small details is incredible. I had once done a school paper on my favorite character in Bengali literature and needless to say, Feluda was my choice!

Hercule Poirot: The Belgian detective comes a close second in my list of favorite detective characters. My love for Agatha Christie novels still goes on and though I have read most of her books, I never get tired of them. Every time I am in a book shop, I gravitate towards the Agatha Christie shelf and try to find one which I haven't read yet. The reason Poirot is fascinating is because the writer has given him a personality that stands out from everyone else. Every time I hear "egg-shaped head" Poirot immediately comes to mind. His "little grey cells" and his disdain for any type of physical activity in solving crimes makes him unforgettable.

Miss Marple: Another creation of Agatha Christie, Miss Marple is the polar opposite of Hercule Poirot. While Poirot stands out with his eccentricity, Miss Marple blends in to the extent that most people do not even bother to notice her. She rarely leaves her village and solves high profile crimes while sitting in her chair, knitting. "Drawing village parallels" is her way of solving mysteries. She is completely adorable and so different from our usual idea of detectives.

Sherlock Holmes: The quintessential Britisher, Sherlock's abilities border on being fantastic. He has amazing logical reasoning powers, can adopt any disguise and even uses forensic science. He is such an interesting character that he has been adapted innumerable times in movies and on television and he remains as compelling as ever. He is a detective who loves to get deep into the mystery he is solving and that makes the stories thrilling.

Byomkesh Bakshi: Another awesome character from Bengali literature, Byomkesh hates being called a detective. In his own words, he is a Satyanweshi or a seeker of truth. Unlike many other detective characters, Byomkesh stories span over a lengthy period which depict him ageing, having a family and moving on with life. He is active and possesses acute mental ability. Unlike Feluda stories, Byomkesh stories are edgier with more violence, lust and on the darker side. This makes him a great favorite of many Bengali readers. 

Cormoran Strike: I am probably crazy to add him to this list when he has only two books as a detective, but this character from J.K. Rowling is very interesting. He has no charm but is somehow attractive and the stories are very compelling. Hope to read a lot more about him!

The SATC effect... !

This article is based on one of my favorite shows of all time... Sex and the City. For the uninitiated, this is an American television series aired in the 90's and it is about four female New Yorkers who gossip about their love (and sex) lives and find new ways to deal with being a woman in the 90s.

When the show used to air, I was a school-girl and I remember catching random episodes of it on HBO while flicking through channels. The bold depiction of sex and nudity on television was a big deal for me at a time when we were mostly alternating between animation and Hindi serials. After going to college, I had a chance to watch the complete series (it had ended airing by then) and I have always been attracted to it.

For a girl growing up in India, a life as depicted in SATC was like an alternate universe. By Indian standards, I grew up in a fairly liberal family where partying/drinking/having a boyfriend was not frowned upon (as long as it was within limits). But the world of Carrie Bradshaw was a different universe altogether. The fashion, the lifestyle and the relationships depicted were something that I wanted (and as I discovered later, so did many of my girlfriends). I longed to have a carefree and bustling social life where every evening was a party and every day was an opportunity to meet Prince Charming. The series made me want to stay in New York city and be "one of the girls".

Now I know that it is only a work of fiction and life is not all strutting down Fifth Avenue but I still enjoy watching a random episode and escaping into its alternate world. And over the years, here are a few things that SATC taught me:

1. Carrie taught me that it is worth waiting for "Mr. Big". Sure it may take years and many heartbreaks but the final payoff is worth it. Anyone else is just settling. It may seem like a difficult and tiring task and you might want to take an easy option out, but it will not be the same thing. Of course she is known as a fashion icon and she was one of my earliest inspirations for wanting to be a fashion designer.
2. Charlotte taught me the importance of compromising when you know someone is right for you. Changing your religion for somebody is a big deal and she proved that love is a bigger deal. She also taught me that some dreams cannot be given up for anyone and when you realize that, you have to make a hard choice.
3. Miranda taught me that career is as important as relationships and being a woman does not mean you have to automatically focus less on your career. And when it feels right, it is also okay to cut down on your work. Another thing she showed is that sometimes the toughest people are the most vulnerable and it takes the right person to bring out that vulnerability.
4. Samantha taught me being yourself is the most important thing and never to let anyone convince you otherwise. Throughout the series, one thing that never changed was her indomitable confidence and spirit. A lot of time people around us try to convince us that we need to change. But the important thing to realize is that change is not always for the better and we should never stop being ourselves.
5. The most important thing that I learnt from this series is the importance of friendship. It is okay to have three or four close friends... you don't need to be a social butterfly and have a hundred friends. I loved how the girls were always there for each other, sometimes without judgement and sometimes the reality check they needed. So for all the ladies, keep your boyfriends close but your girlfriends closer!

This article is dedicated to my girlfriends, the ones who know all the secrets and have shared my

best and worst times. The ones who might be miles apart but only a phone-call away. 

Love... and all the shades of it

Love... perhaps the most overused and exploited word in this universe. Love in all its shapes, forms and meanings. This post is more about romantic love... the most cliched of all the forms of the word. After all the years of observing love, being in and out of love, discussing about love and so on, I have made a few observations... or "types of love" as I like to call them.

1. The "naive" love... This is typically the first love of a person's life. It's all romance and holding hands and butterflies in the stomach. It is nothing like anything you have felt before and nothing like anything you'll probably feel again. For most people it fades out and even if it lasts a lifetime, it generally goes through periods of breakups and makeups. The most important thing about this is that "first love" is put on a pedestal and nothing is more heartbreaking than watching it fall from the pedestal.

2. The "all-consuming" love... This is one that many people go through and the one that almost tears them apart. It is characterized by letting go of everything else in your life just to give your heart and soul to another person. This kind of passion and fervency usually gives way to two possibilities... either the feeling cools down into a mature relationship, or one person walks away leaving the other brokenhearted and probably a great artist (remember you cannot be a great singer unless you have felt great pain).

3. The "logical" love... It might not seem like the most romantic but it sometimes works out great. This is the kind of love where you weigh pros and cons, think of all the consequences (well maybe not all but you get the gist) and then decide your move. Though I personally believe that relationships cannot be calculated, I have met people who have taken such decisions about their lives. The majority of people who opt for an arranged marriage, go down this route. The decision to love is then intertwined with future prospects, security and family backgrounds.

4.  The "dramatic" love... We all have a friend who was/is in a relationship like this. It has high-octane drama, incredible highs and lows and you could probably watch it with a tub of popcorn (if you are not involved of course). It is usually between people of completely different natures where the attraction is great and so is the friction. On a good day, it is so good that you could be high on it and it could all go down to the depths of misery on the very next day. With the amount of energy required, can anyone sustain this kind of a relationship?

5. The "one-sided" love... This is so common that it should have a book on it (oh wait! it does). All those nights spent awake trying to profess it and all those days spent crying because you were refused. One-sided love is something each one of us has gone through in varying degrees. We all have that one person we could never be with for various reasons. Ironically, if we had indeed managed to get into a relationship with that person, it would have probably fizzled out or we would have soon realized that the person was not even worth it. The best part is that we will never know...

6. The "toxic" love... Is this even love? The only reason I mention it as a category is because I have seen it too many times. This is the kind of relationship which maybe had some semblance of love at the beginning but has now mostly been reduced to a abusive, painful mess. Where is the love when a person feels the need to cheat? Where is the love when you spend most of your days crying? The reason it is scary is because people try to hold on to these kind of relationships... trying to justify wasting more days of their lives on it.

7. The "casual" love... The one which is just there so you try it. This happens a lot between friends who get into it mostly as a casual past time. If both the partners are involved to the same degree, this can be a very feel-good relationship as you already love spending time with each other. Sometimes it ends up in a more romantic relationship and everything works out great. But on the flip-side, if one person gets more involved while the other is still casual, this can blow up and it would mean losing a close friend.

8. The "perfect" love... Despite all the categorizing, when love happens all bets are off and that is the way it should be. And when the person is right for you, it will automatically be the "perfect" love... a category of its own which cannot be described because it will be unique to you :)