Travel tales... An alternate to hotels

How many times have you booked hotels while travelling and found the rates too high and every hotel almost the same? After staying in countless hotels, I was intrigued when my sister suggested AirBnB while we were planning a family trip to New York.  All the hotels we had looked at were either too expensive or too far away or too shady to stay in. Taking the decision to stay at someone's home was not an easy one especially because we are foreigners in  this country. But on my sister's insistence, we went on to the AirBnB website and started to check out this whole new phenomena of staying in people's homes. Finally after a lot of researching, we narrowed down a few choices and sent out queries to all of them, waiting eagerly for someone to accept our request. Pretty soon, we got an invitation to stay at a townhouse in Queens, New York.
And that's how my tryst with AirBnB started.

New York (Queens)
Our first AirBnB experience was at the home of Rayna in Queens, New York. It was a charming townhouse which the hostess told us was almost 90 years old! Although it took us some time to find the apartment, as soon as we stepped inside, we fell in love with the living spaces. Our rooms were on the first floor while Rayna and her family stayed on the ground floor. What we loved most about her home was that it had an unique character. The neighborhood was quiet with lot of greenery, it was a short walk from the subway station and just twenty minutes away from happening Times Square. She had an eclectic and fun mix of furniture and everything was just as promised. We spent three days in New York and we absolutely loved coming back to Rayna's home after a tiring day of sightseeing. We even got to meet our hostess during our trip and she was really lovely to talk to. All in all, our first experience with AirBnB was great and I couldn't wait to try it again!

Outside of the townhouse

Inside of the house...

Smoky Mountains
The next time we used AirBnB was when we were planning a trip to the Smoky Mountains. We wanted to stay right in the heart of the Smokys and we especially wanted to stay in a log cabin. Some research later, we chanced across a beautiful log cabin in Gatlinburg. It even had a magical name 'Moonshine Ridge' and even on the website, it looked beautiful! We reached the Smoky mountains and after a day of roaming around, started towards the cabin. It was a dark, winding road towards Danny's cabin but we finally found it. Though we couldn't explore the outside of the cabin because it was completely dark, the inside of the place simply blew us away! It was a two-floored cabin with beautiful furniture, an electric fireplace and even a pool table which made the boys very happy. The next morning, we started to explore the outsde of our cabin and it was breathtaking. Beautiful trees with gorgeous fall colors enveloped the cabin and the ground was a thick carpet of read, orange and gold. I think staying at that cabin added an extra something to our trip. We had a fun time during the evenings hanging out in the cabin, playing cards and whiling the night away.

Pretty... isn't it?

Our beautiful cabin...

New York (West New York)
When it was time for another family trip to New York, we turned to AirBnB once more. This time we found a place in West New York across the Hudson river. What really sold us was the view that we would be seeing every day... the Manhattan skyline across the river. It was an absolutely gorgeous view and we actually forward to the short bus ride to the city each day because of the view. Though we felt that the apartment could be better, it was adequate for our short stay and we enjoyed hanging out in the cozy living room. Of course every stay comes with different experinces and it is always a treat to stay in someone's home and feel part of their world.

All the posing outside our apartment

Manhattan skyline... view from the bus

Niagara Falls
Our most recent experience with AirBnB was during our trip to the Niagara falls. As I said, every stay has been unique for us. This time, it was just my husband and I so we decided to stay in a shared apartment instead of booking a complete apartment. We were a little worried about who we would be staying with but decided to go for it! We reached our apartment which had the shared areas (like kitchen and living room) on the ground floor and individual bedrooms on the first floor. The bedrooms were themed and had cute names like 'The Blue Room', 'The Yellow Room' etc. The apartment was neat enough and it was an unique experience because we got to meet and chat with other travelers from different countries. There was a lady from Singapore who was traveling across the United States... she told us stories about her travels and how she was enjoying the different cities. There was a Middle Eastern couple who offered us some delicious tea. Even though it was just a two-day trip, we enjoyed interacting with strangers because often when we travel, we get wrapped up in ourselves when one of the great joys of traveling is meeting new people.

A collage of our apartment!

So that wraps up our experience with AirBnB so far and I definitely look forward to the next time we can stay in a stranger's home. It is a lot more fun than staying in cookie-cutter hotels, getting a feel of the local flavor, making breakfast in different kitchens and most importantly... being more than just tourists! The next time you are planning a trip, be sure to check out AirBnB... you will not be disappointed!

Home away from home... Stamford tales!

Around ten months ago, I moved to the city of Stamford in Connecticut to start a new job. Excited as I was about the job, it also meant leaving my husband behind in Florida and the house that we had made our home for over a year. Moving is always difficult but when you are forced to leave family behind, it becomes a real struggle. Coupled with the thought of chilly winters, not being able to drive and sharing an apartment with strangers... I was completely overwhelmed by this move.

Now, after all these months, I have moved back to Florida and to my husband but Stamford has become a wonderful memory that I would cherish forever. From thinking that I couldn't get out fast enough to actually feeling teary-eyed during my ride to the airport, these few months have made me a better person with amazing people and experiences. Sitting in my home in Florida today, I reminiscence about these past few months and all that it brought with it.

The place: Stamford is a completely different city from Palm Beach Gardens, from the streets to the buildings, from the trees to the weather. Gone were the palm tress, clear blue skies and the wide roads... when I entered Stamford, I was greeted by winding roads, trees covered by snow and cold that permeated to my bones. At first sight, it all felt dreary. But I soon discovered that Stamford was filled with things to do. I learnt to take long walks... I would walk to the train station, walk to get groceries from Target, walk around downtown shopping and eating. I learnt the bus routes and I thank my lucky stars that Stamford has an excellent transport system. Of course it helped that our apartment was in the heart of downtown! All thorough the weekend, we would hear late-night revelers enjoying on the streets. It was filled with hustle-bustle and I loved it. Everything that I needed was a five or ten minute walk away. I also loved the pretty little houses with flowery gardens in spring and golden hued trees in autumn. Taking train rides through picturesque New England was another experience I enjoyed a lot. The cherry on the cake? New York city is only an hour away by train and seeing as it is probably my favorite city, that was the biggest selling point for me!

Autumn in Stamford...

Stamford Spring...

Old friends: When I was told about the opportunity to move to Stamford, I was desperately looking for any acquaintance who might be in nearby areas. Little did I know that one of my oldest and best friends was just a few hours away in the same state!  Once we discovered the train route connecting us (and only a three hour journey), there was nothing better than meeting up whenever we wanted, spending weekends together and going on memorable trips. I think one of the best things about moving to Stamford was having my oldest friend so near to me. From school buddies to college room-mates to Infosys colleagues (this one did come around a full circle) to staying in the same state in a foreign country... we have come a long way. And even though we are back to staying in different states, we do tend to end up in the same places! Keya, this one is dedicated to all our years together...

Besties...

One last party!

And new friends: This one was tricky and a real stroke of luck! I almost did not move into that apartment, someone else almost came to stay, we almost ended up just as room-mates and not as friends. But the stars were aligned and lady luck was on my side. I met some people who quickly became very close to me. We went out together, had some very fun Friday nights, cooked some tasty dishes and even managed a very memorable trip to Niagara together! Finding room-mates who are tolerable is difficult enough, finding ones who become friends is more than you can hope for. I consider myself lucky that I met these girls who helped make my time away from my husband easier and also made it pretty special. I'll always cherish the long walks and talks with Deepali, the fun and partying with Dimple and teasing Brindha (and not to forget the delicious food she made!).

Boating in New York

Diwali party!

Toastmasters: I believe that one should always try to learn new things, conquer new territories and reinvent oneself. This was my motivation behind wanting to join Toastmasters, the international organization for public speaking and leadership skills. As soon as I settled down in Stamford, I searched for the nearest Toastmasters club and joined it.  To say that Greater Stamford Toastmasters had a positive impact on my life would be an understatement! This club gave me the encouragement I needed to be a good public speaker, the opportunity to show leadership skills and most of all, the chance to meet some very talented and extremely friendly people. Every Tuesday, I looked forward to 7 pm when I would forget everything else and just have a great time.

Small achievements...!

Humorous contest!

A new hobby: Sometimes situations just motivate us to try something new. I had never been into fitness and exercise and would probably have continued that way. But Stamford, in a weird way, motivated me to get off the couch and get out on the road. Every day I would watch people running on the sidewalks and one day I decided to try it for myself. Initially it started out as walks through Stamford downtown in an attempt to explore the city. This turned into evening jogs after work when I would explore new streets every day. I realized that I really enjoyed running but summer evenings were hot and I wasn't being able to do it for a long time. So, I switched to early mornings and suddenly I was waking up early to go running in a school running field. People who know me, know the kind of attachment I have to my bed in the morning. To leave it for exercising is something that surprised even me! But there you have it, when you really enjoy something, you will make time for it. And of course, before leaving Stamford, I managed to participate in a 5k run which was something I really wanted to do.

My running track...

After running 5k...

In a nutshell, my time in Stamford helped me grow as a person because it was the first time I was completely on my own. And instead of letting that overwhelm me, I actually had great experiences, met new people and learned new things. Today I miss all these but I'm sure this personal growth will help me in my life ahead!

Gamble of life... (poem)

Roll the dice... Spin the wheel...
Fortunes are waiting to be won...
Will you strike it large enough...
Or will you just be done...?
The risks we take for love and life...
That decides if we live or die...
If we know that the house always wins
Then why do we even try?
If love's not a gamble, then tell me what is...
Are you ready to risk it all?
If you're lucky, you rise in love...
Then why do they call it 'fall'?
And if you're calculating the risk...
Not ready to bet your heart...
Then is it really love you want...
Or just an insignificant part?
But some of us go marching in...
And lay out our cards for all...
Only fools rush in they say...
And that's how the chips fall...
And if you think you can quit the game...
While you're ahead, oh you're wrong...
'Coz every time you win, you forget the stakes....
Even if you think you're strong...
And that's how you go on playing...
Hoping to make it big some day...
And when you finally win...
"You're so lucky!"... they'll all say...
But they don't know what you've lost....
And the chances that cost you so much...
They don't count the time you gave...
Your victories they will watch...
And you may win or you may lose...
Coz' life is a gamble my friend...
All it matters that you never gave up...
And stayed at the table till the end...

The Great Indian Wedding!

Today you will be treated to a unique insight into the part of the wedding that I find the most interesting... the wedding guests. Indian weddings tend to be grand affairs, the bigger the better (that goes for everything)! Which means people like me get a lot of opportunity to observe guests with their little eccentricities and tell you stories about them. So here goes…

The first in my list are The Inappropriate Uncles: Alcohol is not served at most Indian weddings and with good reason but some of the older uncles still manage to sneak in drinks which they hide in a room. No one is allowed in that room, as kids we were told that "grown-ups are doing important work there". Yeah, I bet. So that usually ends up with drunk people saying inappropriate things. There was this guy once at a wedding who after a few drinks, came up to another man and described in vivid detail a very hot lady who was standing across the room. After he was done, the man turned to him and said... "I hear you bro, that's my wife".

While the drinkers may get into trouble, this next group never does. They are:

The Eaters: There are a lot of people who come to weddings just to eat. I have friends who attended the wrong wedding because they went straight to the buffet! They sometimes skip lunch to make sure they do not have to turn away the second helping of dessert. That would be a regret you would carry to your grave. Now I know in church marriages, you have the service which everyone attends and then you have the reception. In Indian weddings, you can literally start eating as soon as you enter and getting a seat at the banquet hall is like playing a game of thrones. “All men must die”. And of course, no one watches the actual ceremony... the usual way of doing things is to come late, hand over the gift, click a few selfies and head straight for the food. The only people who are forced to watch are the bride and groom... and the wedding photographer because he is being paid to.

But the group to watch out for are:

The Wedding Mafia: This is the group of ladies that you need to avoid at all costs... If they catch you, they are going to fix your marriage to their neighbor's second sister's nephew's cousin's brother or somebody equally ridiculous. About 50% of arranged marriages in India are fixed at someone else's wedding... A number I just made up to sound impressive. Seriously though, at my elder sister's wedding, I lost count of the number of the number of people who told me "You're next!" *wink wink* I honestly debated whispering the same thing to them at funerals. Anyway, these ladies may look completely harmless in their sarees and their neat hairdos but don't be fooled... They have the power to force even Leonardo DiCaprio to get married... and to a woman of their choice!

This next guest still haunts my dreams:

The Weird Kid: Call me crazy but I have noticed that in every Indian wedding, there will always be this one weird kid in all the wedding photos... right in the middle of the bride and groom. That kid is not impressed by your arrangements, often you don't have a clue who the kid belongs to (which was bound to happen since you don’t know most of the guests) but after that day, you will never forget that kid because he is right there... in the middle of all your photos. And he might as well have held up his middle finger because that my friends, is exactly what he has done to you.

The Over-Enthusiastic Priest: The priest is technically not a guest but he is definitely the person most excited to be at the wedding. During our wedding, the rituals took place at 2 in the morning and our priest was the only person who was remarkably upbeat. He was kind of like a kid who had a sugar rush… only he had a lot to say which we were supposed to listen to.

I don't remember most of what he said but this one gem stands out. It turns out "My husband cannot buy a cow without my permission". Well, permission granted... go buy a cow, eat it for all I care. Wow, I can literally hear religious people fainting all over India. Relax guys, the cow is fine – see that’s why I do not give permission to buy a cow!

So, there you go... Now you are ready to attend your first Indian wedding and in case you're wondering which kind of guest you should be... Be an eater, always be an eater... Oh who am I kidding, most of you are going to be the token “foreigner” who completely stands out and who would be asked to repeat Hindi words while the rest of us go 'Awww'.... Well, you can thank me later for the heads up!

Thanks!

A tale of Courage...

I could never have done many things in my life without being inspired by all of you and by the people around me. Inspiration is what motivates us to push ourselves beyond our comfort zone towards greater things. That is why today, I will tell you the story of a man who has been the biggest inspiration in my life.

This young man was born in a village in Bangladesh.... Well at the time of his birth, it was a part of the Bengal province in India. After the partition of India and the death of Mahatma Gandhi, he was forced to flee his home, leave everything he had behind and come to West Bengal in India to avoid communal riots and police harassment. Living in abject poverty in the city of Calcutta, he still managed to complete his education and started working as a freelance journalist. A lot of struggles followed – both professional and personal but he persevered. By the time I knew him, he was the editor of the largest Bengali newspaper and had established himself as an eminent writer with more than thirty published books. On the personal front, he had a family who loved and admired him. 

I know what you are thinking, it’s a nice story but what has it got to do with us? Well, this young man was my grandfather or “Dadu” as we say in Bengali and he has managed to inspire me in almost every sphere of life. I really tried to condense this down to one learning but then I thought, maybe there is something in each aspect of his life that will inspire some of you.

Courage in adversity: Imagine having to leave behind your home, people you grew up with and everything you have, because you and your family would probably die if you didn’t leave. It takes a lot of courage and perseverance to start from scratch and still achieve your dreams. Dadu started out as a tutor to young kids while he struggled to complete his higher education. For years afterwards he worked as a freelance journalist before finally tasting success. In his personal life too, he faced the immense challenge of losing his only son at a very young age. I never heard him discuss the incident but he honored his son's memory by setting up a charitable foundation to provide monetary support to children who needed it - here he is at a foundation event. Taking life’s challenges and dealing with them is something that he has inspired me to try and do in my life. 

Love conquers all: At a time when love marriages were unheard of (it’s still frowned upon in our country) my grandfather fell in love and eloped with my grandma. They were teenagers, he had no money, she belonged to an affluent family, her family was out to get him, he told us how he had to bring her to an apartment which he shared with his friends... the odds were heavily stacked against them and yet, they spent the rest of their lives together. He wouldn’t have managed to be successful without her support and he made sure everyone knew it. They passed away within five months of each other and I always felt that they never really learned to live without one another. Now that’s the kind of everlasting love that I aspire to have. And here my husband does not even let me change TV channels.

Do what you love: In India, parents see their newborn baby and the first thing they say is “He is going to be an engineer” or “she is going to be a doctor”. And their fate is sealed. But my grandfather believed that you should do what you love and love what you do. He spent his life writing which he loved. He inspired my younger sister to give up science subjects in high school and pursue her love
for literature. Everyone told her not to, they told her “it’s a bad decision and you’re giving up lucrative careers” but she stuck to her guns and said “I want to be a writer like Dadu”. She is
doing very well now and she sucked at Math so it was a great decision all around. More importantly, he inspired her to recognize her strengths and weaknesses and make the right choice.

Read and read more: Every gift that Dadu has given us has been books. Since the time we learned to read, he has never gifted us anything else. He also did not believe in censoring books because he said... “Only when you read everything, that’s when you’ll be able to decide what you like to read”. Once on my thirteenth birthday, he gifted me a couple of Mills and Boon romances. For those of you who don’t know, this is how a typical MB cover looks like. My dad was too embarrassed to even take them away so I went through a phase when I only read these. Thanks Dadu. He was an avid reader himself and slowly built up his personal library. He collected and read a lot of rare, sometimes banned books and reading is something that he has definitely inspired me to do. 

Be curious: My grandfather had a childlike curiosity about everything. Every day he would spend about two hours with his newspapers... reading them cover to cover. In the evening, he would catch hold of us and ask us questions – if we answered correctly he would give us one rupee. I used to be terrified because I could never remember what I read. I used to see my friends go to their grandfathers for love and chocolates and I would say... “What’s his deal? Why is he torturing us?” But I realized later that he was teaching us to be curious about everything. He would watch television with us and tell us tidbits of gossip, we could have political debates one moment and then discuss our crushes the next, he was totally up to date with everything . I try to be curious and eager to learn all the time so if I seem over-enthusiastic at times, you now know whom to blame.

So these were a few of the things that my grandfather has taught me in life. He was not perfect in any way but he took the struggles life handed out and turned them into successes. I miss him, I miss the little things he taught us... making up poems while out on evening walks, laughing at ourselves and always giving our best. He continues to inspire us and I hope he was able to inspire a few of you, he would have loved that!

The Office romances...

I recently binged-watched The Office (US) on Netflix and absolutely fell in love with it. For the uninitiated, the show can be described as "A mockumentary on a group of typical office workers, where the workday consists of ego clashes, inappropriate behavior, and tedium. Based on the hit BBC series." (source: IMDB) It's hilarious, it's something we can relate to (though a boss like Michael Scott would be pretty rare and I'm not sure if that's a good thing or bad) and the best thing is how invested you get in the characters. I have watched many show endings but this was the one and only show till date that had me bawling my eyes out. Not something I'd expect from a comedy but then again, The Office manages that balance between comedy and drama, never letting the comic moments overpower the emotional quotient or letting too much melodrama keep it from being light and funny. And it is funny, I guarantee you!

One of the areas where this show succeeds is the depiction of office romances. There are romances that are crazy, romances that lead to people getting fired, romances that are cute and those that are destructive. And then there is an epic romance that doesn't fall into the usual trappings of television melodrama but is so beautiful and down-to-earth that everyone can hope to have something like it in their lives. Today I will take a look at the relationships on the show and how it relates to real life.

Pam & Jim - There is a reason why this relationship has an immense fan-following even after years of the show ending. This couple gave everyone serious relationship goals without being over-the-top and unbelievable. In fact the best thing about their relationship is that it is so believable that it makes the viewers believe it can happen to them. I love that the show creators never felt the need to make their relationship on again - off again like most TV couples are. They were best friends (with all the cute flirting) right from the start and once they finally got together in an epic (though literally a five second scene) moment, you knew they were always going to be together. Their drama was subtle and their moments were beautiful. To know that your soulmate is sitting five feet away... what could be better than that?

Angela & Dwight - Started off as a super secret relationship because c'mon, who would believe that the cold-as-ice Angela and the socially inept Dwight could ever be in a relationship? But the truth is that even though they broke up mid-show, they both continued to be in love with each other throughout the series. Whether Angela was engaged to Andy or married to the State Senator, she always came back to Dwight and Dwight pining for Angela are some of the most heart-rending scenes especially since Dwight is otherwise mostly seen as a odd, socially challenged man. The fact that the series finale finally brought the two together was satisfying and a great note to end the series on. They are not an example of a typical television couple but the show makes you root for them to end up together.

Jan & Michael - Probably the worst-case scenario of how office romances could turn out. It started off as a drunken kiss which the higher-ranking Jan tried her best to hide from the company but failed to. From Michael inadvertently circulating a almost-naked picture of Jan throughout the office to Jan getting a boob-job in order to win back Michael, this relationship was doomed from the start. I hated to see Jan change.. from a successful, in-control manager to a completely out-of-control, shrieking lunatic who is eventually fired from the company. I genuinely like her more when she was in a power position and their relationship should be a warning for people thinking about starting office relationships.

Kelly & Ryan - This was a very toxic relationship but because of the situations and the actors, it always came across as more funny than painful to watch. Because that is what it would have been if their lines were not funny and Kelly was not such a ditsy character... she is hilarious (and sometimes annoying) to watch. Kelly and Ryan were possibly the two most selfish people in the office and I'm pretty sure that's what keeps attracting them to each other. That relationship is sure headed for self-destruction. It's crazy how they run off together at the end of the series leaving Kelly's fiance and Ryan's baby behind... yes you read that correctly, they left a baby and ran away! Not a good example of how office relationships should be.

Holly & Michael - I actually really like this relationship and I'm happy that they ended up together. Holly was the only one who "got" Michael, who loved his quirkiness and understood his jokes. In fact, she was as big a dork as Michael. And isn't that what you want in life... Someone who loves you just as you are... not in spite of but because of... all your failings, your eccentricities, your craziness and enjoys spending time with you. Holly's character is in stark contrast to Jan who never appreciated Michael but always wanted to control him. Michael's proposal to Holly was one of the most beautiful ones I have seen on television (made my eyes water a little, I was so happy).

Erin & Gabe/Andy/Pete - Erin is one of those characters we see in real life who just can't say no to anyone. That's how she ended up dating Gabe (uggh, I really hated this character) and Andy (who treated her really badly at the end). To understand her relationships, you have to understand that Erin was an orphan who craved love and caring. She didn't like hurting people and that led to her forgiving their many faults and not having the strength to break up with them. I was very happy that she ended up with Pete who genuinely cared for her and made her laugh. Also, it was a nice salesman-receptionist parallel to the Jim-Pam relationship.

There were a lot more relationships happening on The Office but these are the ones that stood out the most for me. Now that I'm seriously missing watching this show, maybe it's time for a quick re-watch?

The next independence...

Today I saw a saying as I was scrolling through Facebook in the morning. I usually ignore ultra-motivational lines... yes they are nice to hear but sarcasm/cynicism works better on me. This one was not - strictly speaking - a saying, it was more of an observation. It said.. "A man's money will never excite an independent woman". I can imagine this line being highly controversial in the Indian society where a lot of people still believe... a man is there to earn and a woman is there to look after the house.

Money is always a sensitive topic, especially in a country like India. Marriages are sometimes solely based on financial situation of the groom and how well he would be able to support his wife and her many longings. I have heard girls, even apparently well-educated ones, declare that they would choose husbands on the basis of his salary. After men choosing brides based on their looks, this is the next menace. Imagine a marriage which is based on a woman's looks and a man's money... what happens when looks fade or you realize that money does not equal happiness? I suppose a lot of people out there would tell me, that is how it has been working for ages so we don't need your opinions, thank you very much! Well, by now you might have guessed that a change in how things have been working (or not working) is exactly what I'm hoping for. Does that mean I believe that people who look for financial security while choosing a partner are shallow? Absolutely not! What I do hope is that more girls would be so financially secure themselves that they would not need to compromise on their other needs while deciding on a partner.

Since the time I contemplated marriage, I never imagined looking for a husband who earns the most, declining prospective candidates based on their salary or feeling excited that I might be married to a really rich guy. What I imagined was love, companionship, both of us contributing to finances and household work, struggling together and sharing successes and failures in life... I suppose I always took it for granted that I would also be having a career that I have worked for and a home that I would be happy to run. Was I asking for too much? Even after fighting and sacrificing a lot so that I can continue to work (in US), people still judge me because I chose career over staying in the same city with my husband. Yes, that is a sacrifice we both have made and yes, there are a lot of struggles. But I would choose that struggle over a life where I don't have my independence (and I know a lot of people equate independence with arrogance and selfishness but well... those people are morons).

I guess what I am trying to say is that there needs to be change in our mindset. There needs to be a scenario where a prospective in-law does not say to a girl... "You don't need to work, our son is earning enough, you can just relax at home" or "sorry, we don't allow girls in our family to work". There needs to be a change in mindset where a girl working and being independent is not an exception, but a rule. Just to reiterate, being independent does not mean partying and leading a wild life, it means that you have the capacity to take care of yourself and your family and being financially stable is a big part of that. So please, first educate your daughters and make them self-reliant... then you wouldn't need to look for a rich groom (or any groom) for her. 

Traveling through India...

This is another one in my speeches for Toastmasters... Through this speech, I aimed to inspire people who may not be aware of all the diverse things that our country has to offer...

How many of you have been to India? Tonight is special because it is a result of me feeling nostalgic about my country and not because I’m trying to promote tourism… we have enough people as it is. Just kidding, I do hope I’m able to inspire some of you to visit India!

Good evening toastmasters and welcome guests, tonight I will traveling through my country, India and taking you all along on the ride with me. Fasten your seat-belts or don’t, actually nobody cares in India.

Now because I am speaking to a quite a lot of non-Indians, I thought this one would be fun to look at. This is supposed to be a map of how India is seen by others around the world. Where do most westerners flock to? You see that tiny little area – that’s the designated vacation spot Goa. And those are the mountain regions… the places people think we go to do Yoga. I like how Gujarat is pointed out as a dry state, it’s so much more though. It’s only funny when we make fun of our country, not others!

Now let’s just forget about how India is perceived and take a look at some of the things you might see if you visit. Beautiful architecture dating back centuries, rich culture and colorful festivals, imposing mountains to gorgeous oceans and of course, delicious food. And I’m grateful that I’ve had the chance to experience most of these things.

My journey started in the eastern part of India, in the city of Calcutta in West Bengal. Calcutta is a city caught in a time-warp. You are standing in a flashy mall, you walk a few steps and suddenly you are in these old, narrow lanes and palatial houses still standing proudly. There are three things people of Calcutta love – fresh Fish every day, an hour of political debate while eating that fish followed by an afternoon nap after eating. Hmmm… rich food and sleep everyday… That explains a lot!

After completing school, I moved to Sikkim, a small mountain state north of Bengal. My campus was surrounded by mountains on one side and a river on the other (you can see it up there) and some of the best years of my life were spent there. We used to take an overnight train from Sikkim to Calcutta and we would often make unplanned trips without buying tickets and hide in the toilets when someone came to check our tickets (yes we can do that, we are quite corrupt).

Then in 2009, at the age of 22, I moved all the way to the south of India to the city of Hyderabad. At first, I hated it. I didn’t understand the language they spoke, I didn’t enjoy the kind of food they ate and every year I would declare… “This is the year I go back to Calcutta”. Well that never happened and five years went by. I discovered the delicious Hyderabadi biriyani and I learned a few words to at least converse with the cleaning lady (she was the most important person in my life). Last week I came to know that most of those words were wrong so I wonder what I had been telling her.

The south of India is also where most of the IT software companies have their offices – especially the city of Bangalore is known as the IT city. It is said that if you throw a stone in Bangalore, 9 out of 10 times it will hit an IT engineer (don’t do it, there are too many of us). 

While working in Hyderabad, I had a chance to visit some places in the West of India. Among them, Mumbai is very memorable for me. It’s said that Indians are crazy about two things – Cricket and Movies. I once tried to run away from home because I wanted to meet an actor who was visiting my city. As it turns out I was not very good at planning and was caught before I reached the bus stop. That is why Mumbai is special because it is where the Hindi film industry (or Bollywood) is located. I actually spent a few hours standing outside an actor’s house hoping he would come out, until the security guard made me leave. Well, I’ll be back!

For now, we move north towards the capital. If Calcutta is where I was born, Delhi is what I am married into because my husband, Ashish is born and brought up here. The specialty of people from Delhi is that they almost completely speak in obscenities. The closer you are, the more you’ll hear. When I first became friends with people from Delhi, I was scared to talk to them, it was all *beep* *beep* *beep*. Later I realized it was because they thought we were friends.  

North of India also has some of the most gorgeous mountains you would ever see, the Himalayan range. Even if we’re not doing yoga there, these are places that bring you close to nature. There is also the desert state of Rajasthan which is the next place in India I want to visit.

If you’re still debating whether to visit India or not, here are some fun facts for you. In spite of its problems, what I love about my country is the diversity in cultures, the rich heritage that we have and the fact that India has the power to stay in your heart forever.

I hope that some of you have been inspired to plan a trip to India because we believe ‘Atithi devo bhava’ … ‘a guest is equal to God’. 

Blank Space...

Have you ever been stuck in the chasm between waking up and sleeping? That space in time when your body is still asleep but your mind is half awake and trying to focus. Only it can't focus completely. So it imagines that it is awake and feels delusional because somewhere it knows that it is still in the realm of dreams but can't drag itself back. It also tries to force itself to awake completely but the body refuses to cooperate. I used to suffer from this phenomena quite frequently and I would either wake up in a sweat or slip back into a disturbed slumber. Either way, the feeling was not pleasant.

Now imagine this feeling in your daily life. Stuck in a space between your dreams and your reality, unable to focus completely, unable to let it go and continue dreaming. Sometimes in our life, we feel trapped in this kind of a situation and it is not a very pleasant one. We have this vague idea of what the reality should look like and feel like but we are unable to reach there. Instead we experience an alternate reality which we have no control over. Sometimes, stuck in that space between sleep and wakefulness, I would sense a negative energy in the room. I would try to escape that negative energy by waking up but because my body would not respond, I would be overcome by a sense of impending doom. That is exactly how we feel in life when we are unable to achieve our dreams and turn them into reality. It is then that the negative energies overcome us and trap us in a web of depression and sense of failure. In that state we feel our dreams slipping away and though we try to break away from our demons, we are frozen in a blank space.

The solution? It is one of the most discussed reaction of any living thing to a threat... flight or fight! In the beginning when I used to be stuck in a state of partial wakefulness, I would give up to the feeling of doom and let sleep take over. It just seemed like the easier thing to do. I would imagine the demons taking over me and tell myself that it would all be over soon. We do that in life too... accept depression, sink deeper into it and tell ourselves that it would be somehow be better. It would be easier than a seemingly useless fight. One day I was reading about the phenomena of this half-awake half-asleep state and I learnt that by trying to jerk our legs, we can break out of that state and wake up. The fascinating thing about our minds is that it just needs that small stimulus of hope. That is sometimes enough to push us out of situations that seem hopeless. The piece of information that I learnt helped me break out of the blank space.Was it a fight? Yes. But here is what I have learnt... always choose the fight.

I have heard a lot of stories of depression, about losing the will to continue... I also have phases when the impending sense of failure threatens to overcome everything. And I know it is easy to talk about it but much more difficult to deal with it. But I have also seen remarkable stories of strength and willpower against great odds. And they all have the same thing in common... they chose to fight. Find that strength, that hope, that small bit of information which will push you out of the space you are trapped in. It won't happen in a moment or maybe even in a long time but it will happen eventually. Don't let your demons win.

The Curse of the Introverts...

Have you noticed the person slinking at the back of parties, clearly uncomfortable with the social situation they have been put in? Trying to engage, to be part of conversations when they would rather be sitting at home curled up with a good book or just chilling to some music away from the madding crowd. Welcome to the world of introverts. It is fascinating and at the same time, difficult to understand by anyone who has never been in that position.

Inside the mind of an introvert: As a lifelong introvert, I feel the need to talk about this subject sometimes. A lot of times, introverts are mistaken as rude, arrogant and aloof. Not unfairly because there are many moments in an introvert's life when she just wants to escape the dullness of mundane conversation into the much more captivating world of her thoughts. Its not because she doesn't like you and its not because she thinks she is better than you. Most of the time its because she needs to be with herself, recharging and just being with her thoughts. Casual conversation does not come easily to her, she would rather share a long, meaningful silence and leave feeling so much has been said. She is in no way anti-social, in fact there are days when she craves company as much as you do. And the right company can fascinate and engage her. But once she has had that bit of social interaction, she just wants to retreat into herself.

Why do I call introverts cursed? In the modern world of networking, they are at an instant disadvantage because they don't understand small talk. Not because they don't have anything meaningful to say (if only you could hear the conversations in their minds) but because it is an act of extreme effort for them. While being quiet can be misconstrued as aloofness, a lot of introverts just don't contribute to the conversation unless they have something meaningful to say. Another trait of introverts, that of wanting to be by themselves, is often perceived as rudeness. But understand, introverts just don't feel the constant need to be in a crowd. In fact the thought exhausts them. Its not rudeness, it is a deep need and if they are deprived of it, they become irritable. And of course, being lost in thoughts is not always seen kindly. But while they might seem lost, they could be building an alternate universe in their minds!

How do you deal with introverts? Its very simple, just let them be. If your partner is an introvert and you are an extrovert, there is no point in insisting that she accompany you to every party that you go to. She'll not enjoy it and neither would you. The best way to deal with situations like this is to realize that it is possible to be a couple and still enjoy different things at times. Of course, sometimes you would need to tread the middle path and so would she. But for the most part, introverts thrive when they have some part of the day alone with their thoughts. They don't need to be entertained, nor to be coaxed to join a conversation. What they need is for you to understand that what you perceive as rudeness, is merely a survival strategy. 

It's a "Short" story!

Tonight I have a serious problem to discuss. It’s something that I’ve thought about a lot over the years, it’s something that people constantly ask me about and I just laugh it off and change the topic but somewhere deep down it does bug me a teeny tiny bit so I decided that I would finally talk about this.

Good evening toastmasters and welcome guests… tonight I would be answering a question that I haven’t answered before… “How does it feel to be a really short person?”

• And before you go “Whoa! Is this even an actual thing…?” let me introduce you to some real and tad bit awkward questions that I have been asked over the years…
• -          Some people are pretty straightforward… They don’t beat around the bush. They directly come up to me and ask me “Wow! You are really short! Don’t you wish you were taller?”
• -          Or the witty ones will go “How is the weather down there?” Seriously?
• -          Some are seriously concerned and they ask… “Didn’t you hang from beams when you were young?”
• -          Or the Indian version of it… “Didn’t your mom give your Complan?” (Complan is a nutritional drink which supposedly increases height)

And don’t even get me started on the jokes…

• -          In my college days, my friends and I were called the penguin gang… and to paint you a word-picture… yes, we were all of a similar height and no you don’t have to be of my height to be my friend but hey whatever… penguins are extremely cute!
• -          Not to mention… every time I go to a club or a bar, I’m asked to show my ID card… Not anyone else in the group… just me. As if somebody has tagged their kid sister along. And when I try to explain that I am old enough and married… they always respond with… “Aww but you look like a kid… you should be happy about it”… Well sure, give me a drink in my hand first and then I will be happy about it.
• -          And it’s just my luck to have come to a country where people are even taller than they were back home… yes I am looking at all of you… Sometimes I feel like there should be two of me stacked on top of each other to reach a normal height!
• -          And I haven’t even got to the part about shoes… Here’s a secret… I have to sometimes buy shoes from the kiddie section because apparently there are no adult shoes below size 5. Good luck trying to get high heels in the kiddie section…

Now before everyone starts feeling sorry for the poor lil’ me, well things were not always so bad… There was a time when even I was at the back of class photographs and my mom was complaining that she had to buy new school uniforms each year. But then… tragedy struck and I stopped growing… well vertically at least. And thus began the years of torture…

As I was reading more about difficulties faced by short people in this ‘oh great big world… I came upon the term “heightism” … discrimination against people with short height. People tend to take you less seriously when you are trying to make a point and make a face which is like ‘run along lil’ girl’. There are certain professions you can’t even get into… yes my dreams of being a model were shattered… shattered I tell you! My husband hides things on top of cupboards if he doesn’t want me to get to them… So please… the next time you think of doing any of those things remember, you may be discriminating!

Like with any situation, being short can have plenty of advantages! … Just think of travelling on flights, trains, buses… I don’t need extra leg space… I just crawl up in my seat and I’m good to go! I’m always in the front of photographs, there is no chance of getting covered up! No bed is too short for me and even a couch will do just fine. Not to mention when I am at any crowded concert, I can just weave my way through crowds and nobody even notices… in fact they help me move to the front!

So to all short people out there… Just hold your head up high, just ask someone taller to reach for the stuff you can’t and remember, even short men can cast long shadows!

Thank you.

Just another day...

Yesterday, while waiting for a train at one of New York's subway stations, I heard a girl playing a violin. As she played, she also swayed to a hula hoop... a soft, slow dance that was beautiful to watch. The music she played was a sad tune... it reminded me of painful thoughts. It was a hauntingly beautiful but melancholic experience... a juxtaposition of the soft, slow music with the ruthless clash of metal trains against the tracks. Its strange when  you are just going about your day... a mundane, routine day... and you suddenly come across something which is seemingly random... but which leaves a lasting impact on you.

It was a tune which brings back everything you regret in life... the person you didn't love enough or the person you loved too much, an experience that you should have pursued but somehow let go of, the wasted times, the risks you did not take, people that you'll never meet again. In a span of fifteen minutes, I was transported to a different place, a place that is haunted by regrets. She continued playing, completely unaware of the effect of her music. The trains continued to come and go... like life flashing past. And suddenly I felt like I had to be at a million different places doing a million different things. That if I did not, I would miss out on many more things.

Of course, I never did leave the platform. I continued to wait for my train, continued glancing at my phone, tapping all the million different social apps that professed to  make me feel more connected. And in that moment I felt completely disconnected as if I was watching myself sitting at that platform. Crowds of people continued their day around me, moving in and out of trains in a hurried frenzy. Nobody stopped to listen to her music and yet she continued... swaying and playing.

My train finally arrived and I left that station, continued that random day till it ended. Only to be followed by another random day. I forgot what station it was, I forgot what that girl was wearing, even what she was playing. What I did not forget was the way that music made me feel... if only for fifteen short minutes. It made me feel regrets that I didn't know even know I had. For those few minutes, I would always remember you... stranger with the melancholic music!

Be Foolish...!

This is the story of how I made a complete fool of myself... well there are a lot of stories about that but we'll get to those later... and how I learnt that it is important to be a fool at times...

First... a sweeping statement... I absolutely love water (not just drinking and peeing)... I love the sea, I love swimming pools... I even love just sitting in the tub... So imagine how happy I was when I moved to Florida... No matter where I went, there was the ocean... So gorgeous, so calming... I loved it! There was only a tiny little problem... I didn't know how to swim at all. My mom says she took me for swimming classes when I was really small but I hated it... Yeah I think that one's made up... Thanks Mom..!

Not that I saw my inability as a problem, I didn't even care and it never stopped me from running into the waves or jumping into a pool. Fast forward to the summer of 2015 when my husband and I went for water sports in Keywest. Just to give a brief idea, there are these cruise companies that take you out on their boats to the middle of the ocean and you can take part in activities like snorkeling, parasailing, riding jet skis and so on. It was a really hot summer day and who wouldn't like to be in the cool ocean water? I was psyched... especially for the snorkeling because I would be trying it for the first time.

We went through all the training of how to put on the life vests and the tubes that go into the mouth and soon I was standing at the edge of the boat ready to go into the water. My husband, who had already done this trip before, had one piece of advice for me... "Whatever you do... do not let go of the rope"... So there I was about to go in... Laser focused on a rope which I could see bobbing in the water nearby... Sounds simple right? Well what I hadn't accounted for was the large number of Indians who were also in the same cruise group. We went into the water, I grabbed the rope, just about managing to keep my head above water and what do I see? Every inch of that rope was being held by an Indian. I understand, we come from a really crowded country…moving in crowds is probably our safety blanket. Naturally, the instructors were amused to see all these people hanging on to a rope for dear life. Just as I was about to relax and enjoy the water, I felt a tug and all of a sudden… my hands were no longer on my precious rope. There was a moment of clarity when I raised my arms and shouted “Help!” and then I was swallowing copious amounts of salt water. I’m thinking to myself… “Oh god… this is how it all ends” and flailing about in the water with my panicked husband beside me… The nearby instructor seems completely unfazed by all this and I’m thinking… “Isn’t this guy supposed to leap in and save me” (overdose of Baywatch I tell you)… Finally, after what seemed like ages, the instructor hands me a float and I get up on the boat again. Whew! I look around with new-found respect for life, after all I had just survived drowning and I run to my husband to hug him… and then the instructor says (really loudly)… “Yeah you had a life jacket on… you weren’t drowning… you did push a lot of the other people around…not cool”… I look down at my life jacket… look around to see some visibly angry Indians and for the rest of the trip… I was so mortified I stuck to my husband and didn't do anything crazy.

What did I learn from this really foolish and embarrassing experience?

• Do not try to jump into the middle of the ocean if you don’t know swimming. No matter how tempting it looks. If you still want to, wear a life jacket and more importantly, remember that you wore it.
•  Ropes are like comfort zones we have in life… We want to cling to them because they seem safe but sometimes life will just pull them away and we need to learn to live without them.
•  That day I made a fool of myself but there was something good that came out of it… I finally acknowledged that I needed to learn swimming and started taking some lessons for it. Of course there is still a long way to go before I become an accomplished swimmer but at least it’s a start. That’s the way it works in life as well… Sometimes we need to go out and do those foolish things and be embarrassed to push us to learn something new or to do something better. 

Be foolish… be embarrassed… be better than what you are today… !

The Importance of Celebrations!

Why should we celebrate? Be it birthdays or graduations, religious festivals, marriages… it is important that we celebrate these days with family, close friends, people who would understand the value of the occasion and share it with us. Even if it is not a significant occasion… Celebrate it! In fact I would advocate celebrating even insignificant, silly moments like the time when the person you had a crush on smiled at you in the elevator or the fact that you managed to catch the bus on time… or that Game of Thrones Season 6 is back this weekend (yes, that one’s a biggie). Whatever your reason may be… enjoy that moment of happiness, share it with someone you love. Heck… share it with a stranger!

Why? Life is unpredictable and great at reminding you about the things you didn’t do. While we get caught up in everyday struggles, while we wait impatiently for a big event to occur, while we worry and fret that things are not working out… all the little moments that we could have been celebrating slip by us. Just imagine going home after a long day at work and sitting down to dinner with your family… if you are lucky enough to do that, you have a reason to celebrate because not everyone can do it (I can’t coz my family is miles away). We waste time worrying about that long day at office when we could be cooking a special meal and just enjoying that meal with our family. Believe me, you’ll soon see that there is no place or time needed to celebrate life. It’s there, happening as we speak.

We all look forward to certain events in the year… I do too! When I get the New Year calendar, the first thing I do is mark all the occasions… the birthdays, the anniversaries and so on… The other thing I do is check the dates for the Indian festivals… Since our festivals follow a different calendar, the corresponding dates on the English calendar changes each year.

Out of the many festivals that we Indians love to celebrate, my favorite is Durga Puja which is the 5-day worship of Goddess Durga in autumn. Without going into too much history, let me tell you why it is celebrated. Durga Puja festival marks the victory of Goddess Durga over the evil buffalo demon who wreaked havoc on the entire world and who could not be defeated by any God or man. The festival marks the victory of good over evil. In the eastern part of India, where I come from, this festival is celebrated on a huge scale with thousands of people flocking to the areas of worship.

Every year, no matter where I am, I try to go back to my hometown and be with my family during this time of the year. It’s not an easy feat I tell you… ticket prices are sky-high, leaves are not approved, managers decide that it would be the perfect way to torture you (no offence to managers here)… but in spite of all the roadblocks… we try to make it home during these five days. When we were in college, we would often have to jump on an overnight train without any reservation, spend the night sharing a single berth with three other friends just to make it home in time for the festival. We didn’t do it because we were particularly religious, we just knew that… that was one time in the entire year when everyone would be home no matter where they were, we would all keep aside other worries and celebrate these five days with friends and family.

It may sound like a cliché, but life really is too short to miss out on any opportunity to celebrate. Sometimes it requires a little more effort, maybe a little time out of our schedules… but it is worth it.

Journey song (a poem)

So let's start our journey...
On open roads... With an open heart...
And forget our destination...
Throw away the maps... Its a new start...

Take a wrong turn... And end up somewhere lost...
Stop and look at the flowers by the bend...
Listen to the forgotten bird singing alone...
Forget where the road was supposed to end... 

Watch the golden sunset and touch the cold river...

Don't worry that you've lost your way...
The skies have forgotten your laughter...
Let them hear you laugh today...

You've played by all the rules and plans...
But never seen your destiny in the stars undone...
See how they sparkle with promises made...
And wake up kissed by the morning sun...

But most of all love... 

Love like you've never been hurt...

Love like that's all you're capable of...
Love like it's your last day on earth...

Tomorrow you may go back to your world...
Where duties devour you eagerly each day...
So pack your bags and open your heart...
Let's get a little lost today...

P.S. I wrote this on the bus when we were travelling to see the Grand Canyon... it was a long road and gave me a lot of time to think. I was going through some worrying times (when is it not!) and it helped me gain a little perspective... 

The importance of girls' trips...

This one is for every girl out there... No matter where you are, every once in a while you should go for an all-girls trip! It is always fun to go somewhere with your family or with your partner, but there is something liberating about being on a trip with girls. Sharing rooms, sharing makeup and clothes, sharing gossip... there is a lot that happens when girls travel together. Last weekend I went on an all-girls trip to Washington DC... after more than a year... and it reminded me of why it is important to go on such trips once in a while.

This brings me to one of the coolest all-girls trip that I ever went on... a long-awaited trip to the awesome beaches of Goa! We had been planning the trip for years and it never seemed to work out until the time we just went ahead and booked our tickets... and threw caution to the winds. At the time the four of us were staying in four different cities which made the meeting up all the more exciting. But the best thing about that trip was that we had been at a low point in our individual lives and in those four days, we left all our worries and negativity somewhere far behind. There is something freeing about the sea and the waves... it makes you want to let go. And that's exactly what we did. We let go of our phone addiction, social networks, the need to always be "online" and gave in to the simple joys of life like walking on the beach, watching the sun set, frolicking among the waves, lying in shacks and eating great food... Of course it was a perfect vacation to have those long conversations without agendas, silences that did not need to be filled by words, just watching the sea as it constantly ebbed and flowed... Then there was all the craziness... the first night of thinking maybe an all-girls trip wasn't the safest of ideas, then starting the next day with renewed energy and reminding ourselves why it was the best idea ever, being tourists during the scorching day and then those beautiful evenings languidly stretching into the wee hours of the morning... The best journey is one which you wish doesn't end and that is what this trip was...

We were enjoying so much, we didn't even take a proper photo together!

So yes, once in a while, grab your besties and set off on an amazing journey. A journey where you can be free because you are with people you can be yourself with. A journey which will be significant to all of you. Leave behind your busy lives and be in the moment. Have those long talks which otherwise are confined to Watsapp and rare phone calls. I guarantee you that it would be experience that you would cherish forever.